Warning! Warning, Will Robinson! No Extremes!

No excitement, no car chases, no explosions. No three-way sex scenes with clumsy references to tying people to hotel beds and smearing them with ice cream. No "daddy" figures, and no one calls anyone, "baby" during the entire course of the story.

I have not included a reappearance by a canon villain who kidnaps and rapes Blair and makes him feel like the world's most worthless anthropologist. He does not become a victim of repressed anger or suicidal depression and Jim doesn't have to talk him down off of a ledge with a pledge of Undying Devotion and Understanding.

There are no Magic Drugs that act as an aphrodisiac and result in Jim/Blair suddenly Seeing The Light and dragging Blair/Jim onto a couch/bed/countertop/rug and boinking his head off, said act of aggression leading instantly to Everlasting Love.

No woman appears as competition to Jim/Blair and inspires Jim/Blair to suddenly understand that he doesn't want some icky girl, he wants some hot man-to-man sex. Blair/Jim, upon having this revealed to him, does not reveal that he bought the rings a year ago and has just been waiting for this moment. They do not fly to Hawaii for a commitment ceremony. Or to Virginia.

Simon and the rest of the Major Crimes squad are not some alternate universe kind of enlightened neo-renaissance men who are working behind the scenes to get Jim and Blair together because everyone except the two of them know they are Made For Each Other. Simon and the rest of Major Crimes have Real Jobs, and they're off doing them.

No animal spirit appears and takes over someone's body, making him have sex with his partner, or a passing goat, and thereby forcing him to acknowledge his deep-seated desire to Give Himself Fully to his Mate. Or to go by the zoo and make overtures to the giraffes.