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Disclaimers: The characters described herein are the property of Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen productions. It's wrong for me to write naughty stories about them but I don't care.

Other: I'd like to apologize to people who believe in crop circles and find themselves offended by others poking fun at the phenomena. I'd also like to apologize to people who hate it when they stumble across stories with no sex. There's no sex in this one. Mulder and Scully may or may not be discussing Mulder's relationship with Skinner.

Author: annezo @ fastmail . fm

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CIRCULAR LOGIC

"Crop circles are an attempt of intelligent beings from other planets to communicate to the people of planet Earth through symbolism." Mulder stared at the man in front of him intently.

Scully knew that Mulder's victim, a member of the local police force, was wondering about her partner's sanity. People usually did the first time they met Mulder.

"Although crop circles occur all over the globe, most occur near ancient holy grounds, like Stonehenge and in grain fields."

"Yes," Mulder's prey interrupted weakly, "but this isn't holy ground. It's just Hodge's farm."

"The appearance of the circles would suggest otherwise. In addition, some researchers believe the grain around these circles is being affected through a biological restructuring of the plant. Many times the grain is harvested and we eat it. By doing so are we to gain better understanding through enlightenment?"

Scully edged away carefully, pulling out her cellular phone. Checking her watch, she punched in AD Skinner's home phone number.

"Many of the circles depict a certain time when events will occur by showing the alignment of the Earth in relationship with other planets." Mulder's voice followed her as she slipped into the car and closed the door.

"But...what do you want us to do about them?" the harassed deputy demanded. Scully felt sorry for him. She and her partner had been driving back to Washington from the site of their latest investigation when Mulder had spotted the cluster of official and civilian vehicles on a country road. He had insisted on stopping to offer their help.

"In England, many of the researchers of crop circles have been harassed by silent black unmarked helicopters. The researchers have taken pictures of these helicopters and showed them to the British military, who responded that the helicopters weren't British vehicles. Nor would they tell the researchers from which country they came from." Scully rolled up the window, cutting off Mulder's enthusiastic voice and listened to the phone ring.

"Skinner."

"Sir? It's Scully, sir."

"What can I do for you, Agent Scully?" The voice warmed slightly, moving from curt to an edge of concern.

"Sir," Scully hesitated. "I have a problem and I need your help."

"What type of problem?" Now the concern was sharper, more noticeable.

"It's 6:00. Mulder and I are still over an hour outside of Washington."

"Are you having car trouble? You know the Bureau pays for Triple-A, Agent Scully."

"No, sir, we're not having car trouble," she assured him. "I'm having...partner trouble."

"What is he doing?" Amused.

"Crop circles," Scully told the AD glumly. "He's giving the deputy his lecture on the symbolic significance of crop circles."

"What deputy?" Now Skinner sounded annoyed. "You're supposed to be working with the local Bureau office. When did the local police get involved, and what do crop circles have to do with the illegal immigration of very human aliens? "

"We finished that investigation," Scully explained. "We were on our way back to Washington when Mulder saw a bunch of people standing in a field."

"Of course he did," Skinner said with resignation. "And he insisted on stopping."

"Yes, sir. He did. And now he's lecturing on crop circles."

"Well, Agent Scully, I understand your frustration, but there isn't anything I can do about it. If the local officials choose to let Agent Mulder interfere in their investigation on his off-duty time, I don't have any way to prevent it."

"I know," Scully admitted. She stared out at the colors of the sunset, watching the patterns made by the scattered clouds. "On the other hand...."

"Yes?"

Scully's frustration burst out of her. "I have plans for tonight. And he's right at the beginning of the lecture. I've heard this one before, sir. It takes about two hours to get through the entire explanation."

"You have my sympathy, Agent Scully." She could tell Skinner wasn't going to do anything.

"Sir," she gathered her courage in both hands.

"Yes?"

"Sir, could you please tell Agent Mulder to mind his own business and get back in the car so we can finish the drive to Washington?"

There was an abrupt silence from the other end of the phone. "What Agent Mulder does with his free time, Agent Scully, is his own concern. Surely you can tell him you need to return to Washington?"

"I tried that. He just said it would only take a few minutes." Scully checked her watch. "It's been over half an hour."

"Your plans must be very important," Skinner said thoughtfully.

Scully thought of a certain blond with big brown eyes and a killer smile who was going to be knocking on her door at precisely eight o'clock.

"They are to me." She hesitated, then added casually, "It was my understanding that Mulder had his own plans for the evening, as well."

Skinner's voice was wary. "I believe he may have mentioned it."

"I think he needs to be reminded," Scully said bluntly. "In any case, sir, I don't believe the deputy really has time to listen to Mulder's theory on the connection between cave paintings, the Bronze Age, and crop circles in a Virginia field."

"The Bronze Age?" Skinner asked with disbelief.

"Yes, sir," Scully confirmed. "He....tends to branch out in these conversations, but it's usually the Bronze Age. Sometimes it's the Salem witchcraft trials. That one takes longer."

"Agent Scully," Skinner said firmly. "Put Agent Mulder on the phone."

"Thank you, sir." Scully climbed out of the car, carefully suppressing the smile that threatened to take over her face.

"Mulder," she called. When her partner looked over, she waved the phone at him. "For you."

He looked surprised, but made his excuses to the deputy and crossed to the parked car. Over his shoulder, she could see the look of profound relief on the other man's face. He took advantage of Mulder's distraction to busy himself talking to the farmer who was still waiting to hear who was going to pay for the grain destroyed by the phenomena.

"Mulder," he took the phone and spoke into it cautiously.

Scully could hear the crackle of Skinner's voice, but she couldn't distinguish the words. He spoke for a few seconds, then there was the audible click of disconnection. Scully took back the phone and stuffed it in her purse, wondering what Skinner had said in ten seconds to put that particular look on Mulder's face.

Her partner looked at her reproachfully. "You ratted on me."

"I warned you, Mulder," she told him calmly. "When you wanted to stop here, I told you I had plans for this evening and that I didn't intend to cancel them so you could stand in a field and look at a patch of dirt."

"Yes, but," he protested. "We're partners, Scully. We're supposed to stick together. Take care of each other."

"And that's what I was doing," she assured him. "Imagine how much trouble you would have been in if you'd missed your appointment tonight and your only excuse was that you were standing in a field talking about prehistoric alien invasions."

Mulder looked a bit uneasy. "He would have understood." It was the most specific reference either of them had made to his relationship with their boss.

"I doubt it," Scully told him cheerfully. She took the keys and slipped in behind the wheel of the car, adjusting the seat and mirrors quickly. "I'm leaving. Are you joining me?"

"You're going to have to drive fast," Mulder said. He jumped in the car and fastened his seat belt like a man who expects a wild ride.

"Why?" Scully pulled the car back onto the road and started looking for a way to get back on the highway she could see to their left.

"No reason," Mulder said airily. "You said you had a hot date. I just thought you were in a hurry."

A sudden suspicion occurred to her. "What did Skinner say to you?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Mulder," she coaxed. "What did he tell you?"

Mulder glared at her out of the corner of his eye -- not an easy thing to do. "He said if you missed your date I was going to be back on wire-tapping for a month," he said bitterly.

Scully bit back a laugh. "He wouldn't do that," she assured her partner. "He's not going to take advantage of his position as your boss that way."

"He might," Mulder sulked. "Anyhow . . . ." he fidgeted slightly.

"What else?" Scully decided to take advantage of this unusually expansive mood her partner seemed to be in. Normally they avoided any discussion of his personal relationship with the AD as though it were a ticking bomb.

Mulder shrugged, obviously looking for words. "It seems my appointment," he said carefully, "is earlier than I expected."

"If you're late, do you miss it altogether?" Scully demanded. This was fascinating. Who would have expected Mulder would be so.... She thought about Skinner for a moment, speculating on what it was that made him able to browbeat her wayward partner with ten seconds of conversation, then pulled her mind firmly away from that topic.

"I'm glad you find my personal problems amusing," Mulder said pointedly. He slumped in the seat and stared out the window. "I was almost ready to leave."

"No you weren't," Scully contradicted. "I've heard that lecture before, Mulder. When you really get going, it takes two or three hours for you to wind down."

"You could have just said something. There wasn't any reason to get me in hot water."

"I told you," Scully said patiently. "Skinner won't take this into the office and you know it."

"That's not what I meant." Mulder checked his watch covertly.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Scully said triumphantly. "He told you if you were late, not to bother to show up at all, didn't he?"

Mulder leaned his head back. "I'm through with this conversation."

Scully giggled. "You're a psychologist, Mulder. There's a word for that, you know."

"Don't go there," Mulder warned. "It's not what you think."

"You know," Scully said thoughtfully. "I think that's the first time I've ever heard you lie to me."

Mulder opened his mouth, then closed it, looking embarrassed. "That's not really a lie," he objected, finally.

Scully smiled politely, a look she knew would infuriate her partner. "But it wasn't the truth."

"It's not that simple."

"I know," Scully admitted. She risked a smile at her partner. "You can be very...single-minded, Mulder. You can't blame me if I kind of enjoy the idea of someone making you jump through hoops, occasionally."

"Gloating," he said with dignity, "does not become you, Scully. I hadn't forgotten your date, you know. I knew you needed to get back to town."

"You knew it, Mulder," she pointed out, "but you were ignoring it."

"I can't believe he let you get away with it." Mulder looked at her suspiciously. "How did you talk him into that?"

"I just told him the truth," Scully said solemnly. "I told him you'd met someone who seemed to fascinate you and that I thought we were in danger of not making it in to the office on time tomorrow."

Mulder straightened up fast enough to make the safely feature on his shoulder belt kick in. Fighting the choking pressure across his chest, he stared at her in dismay. "Scully!"

"You're getting to be too easy, Mulder," she said gleefully. "What do you think I told him?"

"A week ago, I would have known," Mulder admitted. "But since the two of you seem to be bonding over the idea of making my life miserable, I don't know what to think."

"Somehow I get the impression you're not too pleased with us."

"Yeah...well, I'm glad everyone is getting along so well," Mulder said gloomily.

"Mulder," Scully said patiently, "Skinner and I are not ganging up on you."

"You'll excuse me if I wasn't able to see that for myself," he said bitterly.

"It's just...." Scully tried to explain something she didn't have words for. "It was just this once," she promised.

"I know." A rare, sweet smile crossed Mulder's face. "But you have to admit, you had it coming."

Scully finally realized that she was being teased in turn. She laughed. "I can't remember the last time I saw you in such a good mood. Have I ever seen you in a good mood, Mulder?"

He ignored the question. "If you don't step on it, it's going to be over before it starts."

Scully laughed. "Don't worry, Mulder. I'll get you back home before you turn into a pumpkin."

Mulder sighed. "It's going to be a long drive, isn't it, Scully?"

"I'm sorry," Scully apologized. "I won't tease you any more."

"No, no," Mulder protested. "Go ahead, Scully. Get it out of your system." He glanced at her and smiled slightly. "I know you've been dying to do this."

"No, I haven't," she denied. She couldn't keep the smile off of her own face. "But I have wondered," she admitted.

"I figured." Mulder leaned back and smiled. "I've been expecting you to say something."

"Why didn't you say something?" she asked. She watched the road in silence for a minute. "I didn't want to pry into something personal," she explained awkwardly. "When you didn't say anything, I thought you didn't want to talk to me about it."

He raised his eyebrows. "Restraint? How unlike you, Dr. Scully. I'm more accustomed to listening to you critique everything from my diet to my professional judgment. How was I to know you were being discreet?"

"Commenting on your appalling taste in ties isn't quite in a league with prying into your sex life, Mulder."

He snickered. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

Scully thought about the question. What did she need to know that she didn't already know? "Nothing," she said softly.

"Nothing?" Mulder looked at her in surprise. "I'm offering you carte blanche here, Scully, Are you sure you want to pass this opportunity up?"

Ahead of them, the lights of Washington began to spring up in the darkening sky. Scully navigated the familiar turns to the office casually. "Nothing," she repeated. Any questions she might have had were answered by his willingness to discuss the relationship.

Mulder was happy. What else did she need to know?

****

The end