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Conceive of disclaimers here. They aren't mine. They never will be. I won't accept money for playing with them. All characters are the property of Fox Television and Ten Thirteen productions. And if the IRS is watching, I'm sorry about any offense taken to anything I've written here.

Other: As always, Ethan is responsible for this madness. Naughty things happen in this story. Mr. Mulder and Mr. Skinner have a Very Personal Encounter. That means sex. If you're shocked, surprised, appalled, or offended, you don't have any business reading any further than this.

Author: annezo @ fastmail . fm

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YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN

As he climbed out of his car, Skinner was greeted with a familiar odor and cigarette smoke wreathed in the air currents of the quiet garage. Shit. He eyed the unwelcome visitor waiting next to the elevator.

"Mr. Skinner." The man inclined his head with spurious courtesy.

"What do you want?"

"I'd like to speak with you."

"Call my secretary. Make an appointment." He was exhausted. Budget problems. Personnel problems. Interdepartmental squabbling over assignments. Agents Mulder and Scully had been out of town for weeks, leaving him far too much time alone to brood over his empty bed. It seemed as though Mulder had taken his restriction on provocative phone calls to heart, adhering to a rigid professionalism during his calls that was driving the AD insane. A private chat with this son-of-a-bitch was the last thing he wanted.

 "I think I prefer to have this conversation outside the office, Mr. Skinner. Informally, as it were."

 "Fine. Talk," Skinner answered tightly,.

 "I was hoping for a little more privacy. Can I suggest your apartment?"

 Skinner punched the button for the elevator with useless violence. "There's an ashtray beside you."

The older man hesitated, then shrugged and turned away. Skinner suppressed the urge to slip into the elevator and let the door shut behind him while he was distracted. It would be pointless. Besides, Skinner didn't want to do anything to give this man or his cohorts the impression that he was afraid of them. Better to get it over with, let him deliver his veiled threats and accusations, then kick him out.

"Is this going to take long," he snapped irritably.

"It will take as long as it takes, Mr. Skinner," the other man answered smoothly. "That is entirely up to you."

"If it were up to me, you and your friends would be behind bars."

"If you're in a hurry, Mr. Skinner, time could be saved by not retracing previous conversations."

The elevator reached his floor. God damnit. What next? Fox Mulder was sprawled across the hallway beside his door, sleeping like an exhausted choir boy.

"Well, well." The voice behind his shoulder was sharply interested. "I thought Mr. Mulder was out of town on assignment."

"He was." Skinner hesitated. "Agent Mulder," he said loudly.

"Yes, sir." His voice was soft, sleepy. Mulder's eyes blinked open and he frowned slightly.

"What the hell are you doing here, Agent Mulder? Aren't you supposed to be in Kansas City?"

"Yes sir. Looking for dead bodies in a barbecue joint." Mulder smiled fuzzily. "Don't eat the sausages."

"Christ, not the chicken thing again." Skinner felt nauseous.

"No. But they made Scully sick anyhow," the agent said with amusement. "Do you know Kansas City is the fountain capital of the US? More fountains than any city outside of Rome."

"Is that relevant? Why are you here, Agent Mulder?"

"You weren't in the office." He climbed to his feet. "I needed to speak to you. I want permission to...." He spotted the figure standing behind the AD and stopped. "How the hell did he get here?"

"Mr. Skinner and I were about to have a friendly chat, Mr. Mulder.," Skinner's unwelcome visitor said unctously. "But don't let me interrupt you. What did you want permission to do?"

Resentment in every line of his body, Mulder stared at him. "Nothing."

"You may as well both come in." Skinner unlocked the door and stood back, staring at the agent pointedly. Don't pull this crap on me now, Mulder.

"If you're busy, sir, this can wait." Mulder didn't move.

"And yet, it was so important you found it necessary to camp on his doorstep," the third man mentioned. "Please, Agent Mulder, don't let me interfere."

Skinner couldn't tell if the man really thought Mulder would be encouraged to explain himself, or if he were just trying to make an awkward situation worse.

"Inside, Agent Mulder," he insisted. He herded the two of them in, pulling off his coat and dropping it over a chair. When he turned around, Mulder was staring at the floor and his other guest was still beside the door.

"It seems we have a problem, Mr. Skinner. Both Agent Mulder and myself are anxious to speak with you privately," thE older man said. "Perhaps it would be better if you and I had our chat at a different time."

"You and I don't have anything private to discuss," Skinner answered coldly. "Anything you have to say to me, he can hear."

 "No. It seems that Agent Mulder's need is more urgent than my own. I will see you later, Mr. Skinner." The response was polite, but implacable.

"Agent Mulder."

"Yes, sir?"

"Wait outside."

"Forget it," the agent snapped. He headed furiously toward the door.

"No." Skinner's voice stopped him. "This won't take long." He wasn't sure how much the agent would put up with in front of their unwanted visitor. "The balcony, Agent Mulder." He hesitated, then added pointedly, "I may need a witness."

The two men waited until Mulder pulled the glass door firmly shut. Neither of them commented on the way the glass shivered in the frame.

"What the hell do you want?" Skinner glared at their enemy furiously.

The older man paused for a long moment, then seemed to come to a decision. "I understand you're having difficulty at the office, Mr. Skinner."

 "Are you here to offer your sympathy?" He glared in contempt.

 "Let us say, a possible solution," was the delicate response.

 "Not interested."

 "You haven't heard my offer yet. It is possible, Mr. Skinner, to smooth out some of these budget problems. Money is always available. If you have the right friends."

 Skinner stalked over to the glass door and shoved it open. Again, the glass didn't quite break. "Come here, Agent Mulder." He turned to face their adversary again. "Would you care to repeat that offer of a bribe?"

"I think not. And it isn't a bribe. You should think about it, Mr. Skinner." The third man pulled open the door, already fumbling for the cigarette pack. "As a matter of curiosity, Mr. Mulder. Did you find the bodies you were searching for?"

"Yes." Mulder's voice was resentful.

"And where did you find them?" 

"You want details, get a copy of my report."

"I'll do that, thank you for the suggestion." Mulder walked to the door and watched him disappear into the elevator.

"You have some interesting friends. What was he doing here?"

"I invited him over for a few beers and some poker, what the hell do you think?" Skinner rubbed his forehead. His headache was getting worse. Big surprise. "I didn't know what he wanted. He said he wanted to talk outside the office."

"So you brought him here," Mulder asked in disbelief. "What was it?"

"He was downstairs when I got here. What did you expect me to do? Take him out to dinner? How the hell was I supposed to know you'd be using the hallway as a Motel 6?"

The agent looked embarrassed. "I didn't mean to fall asleep." 

"Christ, I'd hope not. You should have seen the look on his face."

"It could have been worse," Mulder offered.

"How?"

"I was going to pick the lock and wait inside."

"I'm surprised you didn't," Skinner said. "What stopped you? Surely not any regard for my personal privacy?"

"No. It occurred to me that you might not be alone." Mulder glanced at him, then looked away.

"You were expecting him to show up?"

"No. I just thought...you know. You might have company, or something." He looked uncomfortable.

"You mean a date," Skinner realized.

"Well, yeah."

"I see. I appreciate the courtesy. Where were they?"

"Who?"

"The bodies, Mulder. And where is Agent Scully?" 

"No one at the restaurant was involved. The bodies were under the fountains." He looked distracted. "An employee of the construction company next door was a member of some cult. They were using the restaurant as a source of human sacrifices and disposing of the bodies underneath the fountains they were installing. The ransom notes on the cars were window-dressing to distract us. Do you?"

"Where is Agent Scully? Do I what?"

"Home. She's OK. I think it's still the sausages." Mulder grinned slightly. "Have a date?"

"No. What was so important you felt it necessary to take up residence in the hallway instead of talking to me in the office tomorrow?"

He shifted nervously. "I need a few days off. Starting immediately."

"If you want a vacation, fill out the paperwork like everyone else." Skinner knew he sounded forbidding, but he wasn't in the mood for games.

"This case is finished and we don't have anything else urgent right now," Mulder argued. "Scully can turn in our report. I'd don't have time for paperwork."

"You don't take vacations," Skinner pointed out. "Tell me what's going on."

"I just want a few days off, what's the problem?"

"Request denied," he snapped. 

Mulder clenched his jaw, then his face went very quiet. "Yes, sir."

"Don't do it, Agent Mulder!"

"Don't do what? Sir."

"The last time you had that look on your face, Scully had to bail you out of jail. What is going on with you anyhow?"

"It's nothing like that," Mulder said stubbornly. "It's a personal matter."

"In case you've forgotten, we're sleeping together. At least we were the last time I saw you. What the hell is so personal you can't tell me about it?" Skinner realized there was one personal matter that Mulder might be reluctant to discuss with him. He stared at the agent coldly. "Unfinished business in Kansas City?"

"What? Oh." Mulder looked at him speculatively. "The truth is, I'm tired."

"I don't doubt it."

"Possibly a bit irritable." He looked apologetic, which didn't distract Skinner from the way the distance between them was shrinking rapidly.

"I hadn't noticed."

"It's just that I've had some bad, personal news."

"So you say."

"It's not something you can help with but I may be kind of busy for a while." His arms slid around Skinner's waist.

He forced himself not to respond. "Imagine my disappointment. No more conversations like this one. Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Mulder looked embarrassed. "I'm being audited."

Skinner laughed.

"It's always funny when it's someone else." Mulder pulled away and looked at him in disgust. He seemed to realize the AD's reaction was out of proportion to the announcement. He pulled the other man to him and kissed him quickly, which stopped the laughter.

"Walter I did not lose my heart in Kansas City."

"I didn't suggest you did," his lover said defensively.

"You thought it," he accused.

"And I," Walter replied pointedly, "didn't have a date."

"I should hope not. When I think of the nights I lay awake dreaming of you...."

"Bullshit, Agent Mulder. You may lay awake nights, but any men you're dreaming of are alien and green." 

"Mr. Spock," Mulder nodded. "I always liked his character best."

"You fantasized about Mr. Spock? Jesus, Mulder, that's really sick."

"I'm not sharing my innermost secrets with you if you're going to mock me," Mulder warned.

"You need help. If your best friends won't tell you, who will?" Walter gave in to temptation and wrapped his arms around Mulder, one hand sliding through the thick, dark hair experimentally.

"Friends?" He grinned knowingly and leaned in to his lover's embrace.

"Just a minute." Walter frowned.

"What now?"

"You're being audited," he said suspiciously.

"Yes."

"You don't get audited on 24 hours' notice, Mulder."

"I know." Mulder looked embarrassed. "I sort of forgot about it before."

"How the hell do you forget about an IRS audit?"

"Okay, I didn't open the letter until this evening. Satisfied?"

"You must be kidding."

"My personal mail isn't usually that exciting. I don't worry about reading it regularly."

He thought about that. From Fox Mulder, it made sense. "Is that what was wrong earlier? Did you think he had something to do with it?"

"Not really," he answered with disgust. "I just didn't want to give him anything else to gloat about."

Walter dismissed the subject. "Agent Mulder." He whispered the words softly, his voice inviting the other man closer.

"Yes, sir?" Mulder's arms tightened and his eyes gleamed.

"Your request for a few days' leave is granted."

The other man shivered as lips brushed the sensitive nerve beneath his ear. "That's good. I understand they throw you in jail if you don't show up. An extended separation might put a crimp in our budding friendship." Mulder wriggled hopefully.

"Friendship?"

"Your word, not mine."

Walter kissed him. "Right now, I have more important things on my mind." 

"More important than our friendship?"

"We can deal with the semantics later. What time is your appointment tomorrow?"

Mulder pulled Walter's jacket open and unbuttoned the crisp, white shirt quickly. "You're always overdressed for these occasions. What appointment?"

"Is your memory giving you trouble, Mulder?" Walter rescued his favorite tie from the impatient hands.

"Oh, that. Nine o'clock. Why?" He unfastened Skinner's pants and slid his hand in to stroke him expertly.

"Mmmm..."

Mulder grinned wickedly. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you'd been having fantasies, yourself."

"It's not out of the question." Walter savored his touch.

"Anyone I know?"

"I doubt it. He looked kind of like you but he didn't talk as much." He tried a quick kiss and Mulder turned it into something deeper, edged with real desire.

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Yes."

Mulder slid his lover's pants out of the way and started stroking his ass. Only a slight trembling in his hands betrayed his own excitement. That, and the erection clearly outlined against his jeans.

"Take your clothes off," he demanded.

"I'm not the only one who's overdressed," Walter pointed out. Reluctantly he pulled away and kicked off his shoes, then pulled off the rest of his clothes.

Mulder dropped his own jacket on the couch, followed rapidly by his gun and his shirt, then leaned back and watched him smugly.

"Well?" Walter faced him calmly. "Were you just interested in the view, or did you have something else in mind?"

"Come over here and find out," Mulder invited.

"More cheesy seduction scenarios, Agent Mulder? You watch too much television."

Mulder looked him over, smiling indulgently. "Nice. Very nice. And all mine."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," he said dryly, crossing his arms and staring back.

Mulder pulled him close, letting his hands wander. "What are you telling me? Am I sharing your affections?"

"Not at the moment." He arched against the careful hands, wanting something more. Mulder leaned down and worried one nipple with his teeth, tugging and sucking until Walter moaned in satisfaction. He gave the other nipple the same thorough attention. A few more minutes of this and Walter was going be begging instead of playing hard to get. He buried his hands in the thick hair and kissed the other man roughly.

Mulder pulled away. "Jesus, Walter, sometimes I don't think you're enjoying this as much as you're supposed to." In spite of his complaint, his eyes gleamed in satisfaction.

"You can't drive me crazy with aliens and mutants, so you're doing it with sex, aren't you," his lover accused.

Mulder kicked off his shoes and climbed out of his jeans quickly. He didn't have to remove his underwear since he wasn't wearing any. "Any port in a storm."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"The plan is for you to stand there and think about it," Mulder explained. "While you're distracted, I jump on you and have my way with your unresisting body."

Walter opened his mouth to reply and Mulder took advantage of the opportunity to push him against the back of the couch and kiss him passionately.

"You win." He was having trouble thinking. For that matter, he was having trouble breathing and standing up at the same time.

"Hmmm?" Mulder was tracing the muscles along his back and tonguing his ear slowly.

"I said you win," Walter repeated. "I'm distracted. I'm unresisting."

His lover grinned encouragingly. "Perfect. Two of my favorite qualities in a man. On your back."

"Very romantic."

"I tried romance, you didn't like it. I'm running out of time here."

"Meaning?"

"I have an IRS audit just hours away," Mulder reminded him. "I have to go find some receipts. And before I leave here, I need to make sure you don't succumb to temptation while we're apart. All these things take time, Walter." From somewhere he had acquired a small tube of lubricant. "Turn around."

He didn't move. "If this is taking too much out of your busy schedule..."

"Walter." Mulder leaned over him menacingly. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. But we're going to do it."

"You seem very sure of that."

"I am. My gun is closer than your gun, Walter."

His lips twitched and then he was laughing again. "That's the worst line I've ever heard. Do you get these out of a book?"

Mulder slid one finger inside him slowly. "Yeah. Dogbert has a new one out. How to seduce a Federal employee in five easy steps. This is number four. Like it?" 

"Oh god, yes." His laughter disappeared instantly and he was suddenly as turned on as he'd ever been, aching to be touched. A second finger joined the first and stretched him carefully and thoroughly. He rocked against the slow stroking, moaning softly.

Mulder pushed him toward the floor and onto his back. He pulled the older man's legs over his shoulders and started pushing into him immediately. "I can't..." He whimpered and froze for a moment.

"Do it."

"I don't..." He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "I'm not going to make it." He didn't move for a minute, then his hips rocked slightly. Again, pushing deeper. Then he was all the way in, and thrusting frantically. Both hands wrapped around his lover's cock and balls, sharing the pleasure building inside of him, stroking the older man to an orgasm that crested an instant before his own.

Mulder slid bonelessly to the floor next to his lover, the two men gasping for breath.

Walter recovered first. Rolling over, he gathered the other man into his arms and kissed him. "Well?"

"What?"

"What was number five?"

"I'm saving that one," Mulder claimed with a grin.

"What for?"

"I'm being audited tomorrow, remember? I might need all the help I can get."

"You're going to offer to bribe a Federal employee with sex?"

"Why not? It works with you," he said smugly.

"You'd better find those receipts," Walter advised dryly.

"Is that an insult?"

 "No." Walter climbed to his feet, dragging the other man after him. "It's a felony to offer a federal employee a bribe. And it's my patriotic duty to prevent it."

"What did you have in mind?"

"I could always report you," Walter mused.

"Do you think there's something in the IRS code forbidding the auditee from influencing the auditor with exotic sex practices?"

"Just how exotic?"

Mulder grinned wickedly. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I would." Walter pushed him toward the stairs. "And I intend to."

 **** ****

The end.