Well, it's only 1:30 on Friday afternoon and I've already done so many weird things to the 'Nut campaigns that I have to stop messing with all of them and let the dust settle for a while. So, I'm playing with colored graphs and running unlikely reports to see if any interesting patterns show up. So far, nothing has, but that doesn't dim my enthusiasm for colored graphs.

This morning I'm out pacing around in the parking garage just to get some fresh air (Yes, I was smoking. Shaddup. It was freshish air.) and a woman in an SUV comes barreling into the garage, almost running me over. She did roll down her window and shout an apology. She was flossing her teeth, you see, and wasn't watching where she was going.

The R.C. got to feeling wealthy or something the other day and had a little Amazon indulgence. Since we both have a fondness for cheesy monster movies of the 50's & 60's era, she picked up a multi-pack of Roger (King Of the B Movies) Corman productions.

Last night, we had Creature from the Haunted Sea which was much less about creatures than about crooks and Cubans and spooks (of the spy variety). It featured the weirdest cast o'characters I've ever seen and was so peculiar it was almost riveting to watch. There was one guy who 'spoke' almost entirely in animal noises.

I'm thinking it would have made more sense at the time had I known it was supposed to be a parody.

Once, a million years ago, I saw the World's Lamest Creature Feature. Some people--in the bayou, IIRC, were being menaced by frogs. Not mutant frogs or anything. Just--frogs. They didn't have powers of any sort. Just your average, garden-variety, sitting around and croaking sorts of frogs. If memory serves, the penultimate moment came when the frogs killed a guy by--wait for it--hopping up to his chair and looking at him. That was, until last night, the weirdest creature feature I'd ever seen.

I don't know what else is in the R.C.'s new collection. I'm hoping for Not of This Earth" and It Conquered the World and maybe even Gas-s-s-s (also known as Gas! or It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It, which is potentially the best B movie title in the history of the world) but only time will tell.

Now that I'm in a creature feature state of mind, maybe I'll look for The Amazing Colossal Man or The Thing from Another World. I'm pretty sure I already have "It Came From Outer Space" in another collection, but I need to check to be sure. I know I don't have Beginning of the End or Invaders From Mars (1953).

My own particular weakness is for atomic radiation mutants. Things like Them! or Attack of the Crab Monsters, you know? I don't know why. I just find them funny. (The R.C. wants Tarantula but I draw the line at spiders.) Oversized crustaceans are the most fun. Mysterious Island has the funniest Giant Crab Attack in movie history.

Speaking of monsters? Granted, I've been a Game Boy fan for the last fifteen years, but Rapunzel is opening up my eyes to whole new genres and the fun to be had while not killing mutants. 'Member how I told you that she had loaned me one of her games? Well, if the last game she recommended (and that I got for Christmas) was the original Game That Ate 2009, this new one is definitely the game that's going to swallow the rest of the year. Farming! I'm actually entranced by farming. (Well, okay, and mining.)

In other news, Gidget may have us a new client. She was contacted yesterday by an organization that treats add*ct*on for a three-letter word we can all guess. There's a strange and interesting variety in our growing client list, isn't there? We send things, train things, watch things, and now maybe we're going to try to prevent things.

And, speaking of things done, I finally heard back from Bernie about that project. He didn't say, "send the bill" but I'm going to do that tonight anyhow. He did say it was good timing (on the completion) but in a vague way that made it clear he hasn't bothered to look at what I did.

And then he asked me if I remember how to do something they used to do four years ago and since I was only employed there for a year (a year-and-a-half a go), I really don't. But, pursuant (I've missed my word!) to my policy of walking off with everything that isn't nailed down when I leave a job* I know I have the instructions on How To Do It, so I told him I'd dig them out.

'Member when I said the problem with Bernie is project creep? I hope this isn't the thin end of the wedge. I have to act cooperative until he pays me--and don't think he isn't aware of that or that he isn't in the habit of taking advantage of freelancers that way.

There must be some Actual Work I could be doing.

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* Not precisely valuables. I don't steal. But I do take copies of passwords and access codes and websites and whatnot. Not to use but because 30 years in the job market has taught me that you never know what a former employer will come crying to you for six months or a year later. You buy a lot of goodwill by being able to help someone who's so desperate they're calling up people they thought they'd never have to speak to again.