As in, it's 1 degree outside. I'm not sure how far into negative numbers the wind chill is. A lot, that's for sure. (It's -15, according to the local news sites.)

And, yes, it's still snowing, but only in a half-hearted kind of way. If we got more than an inch out of this storm so far, I'd be surprised.

I have two plants that sit on the credenza by the window in my office. I think the cactus might not survive the cold air radiating off the 4' x 3' windows. (But then I tell myself that it get cold in the desert....)

And now, a very rare cut-tag for those who don't care about family matters. But heavily edited because you really don't care about my stream-of-consciousness wig-out at the idea of moving to Missouri.

Last night, I told the R.C. that I'm going to make a flying visit to Mom, probably in early March. We've been worried about her for years. She's 73 and she's definitely slowed down in the last couple of years.

(The L-i-K-S has an idea for a "reunion" and that all of us kids should go back and the same time, but that's not going to happen. Among other things, if Mom's lonely with none of her kids being very close to her, having many visits, one from each of us, will keep her active and interested more than one, short weekend with everyone around. That's the R.C.'s point, and it's a good one.)

What do you do about an aging parent? To what extent do you give up your own life to care for them?

Do you go as far as moving to their locale, where there are no jobs and no future for you, personally, to watch over them? Do you give up your friends, leave the place you've chosen as "home" for yourself, and start over in a part of the country you loathe?

The R.C. pointed out that she's planning to quit her job and my company is constantly threatening to close down, making this an ideal time for us to pick up and move closer to Mom, so we can spend time with her and keep an eye on her.

To Missouri, ohmigod.

If you're getting a bit older yourself and acutely aware that the Bush era has trashed your personal savings and that you're about 50% behind where you expected to be with your own savings, you do let that be a factor in making this kind of decision? Do you weigh your own retirement years and the very real possibility of penury if you don't keep socking away a substantial amount yearly, against your aging, widowed mother's needs?

Do you let the fact that the thought of living in Missouri makes you want to kill yourself carry any weight? The closest town of any reasonable size is Springfield, and it's dinky, with around 400,000 people. I don't like the weather (hot and humid in the summer, cold and humid in the winter, icy snow, rain, and tornados), the wildlife (mosquitoes, snakes, chiggers, flies, spiders, and other assorted creepy-crawlies), and the Bible Belt in general. Country music, Christian hypocrisy, and cultural desolation.

People laugh at the fact that there's a Starbucks on every corner in this part of the world, but the idea of going to a town where the only Starbucks is a satellite store inside of Barnes & Noble terrifies me. It's not the Starbucks...it's what it says about how backward that part of the country is.

And then love and family rise to the top of my mind and I can't really bear the thought of my mother living alone and lonely in some assisted-living apartment for the next five or ten years. Even if my employment situation settles down, me being able to visit her for four or five days a year is really no substitute for being there for her often enough to keep her active and interested. She can't live here--the cold, the traffic, and everything that grows would do her in.

Actually, this is the same problem the R.C. and I have discussed for the last ten years. Mom never really bounced back after Dad passed away, and that was over fifteen years ago, now. She made very little effort to do so. There was never any point in her life when she was required to develop the resources for making it on her own. Before marriage, she was a waitress. Then she was married and she expected that to last forever.

She's never had the temperament to volunteer, she's not religious and so doesn't have a "church group" to do things with. When she was still young enough to work, after Dad passed away, she didn't have any skills to offer the job market and at that time, she didn't need the money.

The money thing has changed and now, for financial reasons (and companionship--much of her family lives in the area and they drive her crazy but they do provide some company for her), she lives in a backwater hamlet outside of Joplin, Missouri. There aren't any people around to provide her with companionship outside those in her family. She's not close enough to walk to any services and she's getting too old to drive, so she's going to have to move into Joplin into a sort of assisted-living community.

And this is where the problem comes in, because if I moved there, she wouldn't have to live in assisted-living if she didn't want to and, even in Joplin, those are probably kind of expensive and she doesn't have much money left.

But then, there I am, at the age of 40ish--or 45ish (shaddup), living with my mother in Jerkwater, Noplace, USA.

Or, you know, the R.C.'s plan, where we both move so that we have at least one sane person to talk to on a daily basis, and we visit Mom wherever she lives. Which is miles better but ohmigod then we're both stuck in hell.

And now I want to kill myself again.

What do you do?