I have a bad case of Yarn Envy. Last night, my friend Meghan invited me to visit her knitting group, remember? Turns out, and I'm surprised, that knitting is in. It's trendy!

Me, I don't knit. I'm left-handed and it doesn't take many knitting experiments to teach you that mittens with rosettes on the palms of your hands are not only impractical, but they look stupid and then your teacher gives you a bad grade.

I could do simple patterns, of course. Articles with no definite "front" or "back" to them, like scarves or afghans.

I know how to knit. It's just not something I considered when I started making things again. Crochet is so much faster. With crochet, I also stick to one, simple pattern. I've done one pattern a million times (you get to those numbers by making a bedspread) and don't have to think about it any more, which is a plus. I'm too lazy to learn anything else. (I crochet right-handed, so patterns aren't a problem. I just lack ambition.)

I knit left-handed. I crochet right-handed. I use chopsticks left-handed. I use scissors right-handed. I sweep and mop left-handed. I chop right-handed. I eat left-handed. I drink right-handed. It's a wonder I don't have schizophrenia.

But that's not what this conversation is about. It's about my newly developed Yarn Envy.

Last night, Meghan's knitting group all had simply gorgeous hand-made yarns they were using for their projects. I felt like a poor stepchild, sitting there with my plain gray commercial yarn. I mean, it's going to make a lovely scarf against a red, blue, or black coat, and it's a nice, soft weave, but I felt like a peasant.

I need some fancy yarn. I yearn for rich, primary colors. I lust after vibrancy. I pine for soft and knobbly textures.

Common sense tells me that no one I know would wear a garish scarf, but then it also whispers that my "garish" is someone else's "bright and lively" so I'm torn.

Also, I must have knitting needles! I long to knit again. I don't know why. Maybe the variety of patterns. (The internet must possess a site that converts patterns for left-handers. It has everything else.)

Also, I'm aware that I can inflict only so many scarves on my loved ones before they cease to love me. I'm doing scarves for the three friends I think I can force them onto right now. I could probably get away with dumping a second one on each of them without putting too much of a strain on our friendship, but then what do I do with the rest of them? It takes 3-4 evenings to crochet a scarf, so I need to slow down (knitting is slower!) and I need lots of victims recipients. Frugality balks at the idea of using $10-$15/skein yarn (at 3-4 skeins per scarf) for giveaway projects. But even poor people like to have nice things, right?

I have Yarn Envy. I must think of a rationale for spending a fortune on ridiculously expensive yarn.