There is a small possibility that I have my underwear on backwards. It seems to be making intimate with a part of my anatomy that I prefer my underwear to cover, not cuddle.

You might think this isn't something that would be hard to figure out, but depending upon the cut and style, it's not always obvious. Front versus back, I mean. And if you cut the tags out, as I frequently do because they scratch, that makes it even more difficult. (Tags bite.)

Still. I'm Pink And Pretty All Under today. That counts for something, right?

If I get in an accident, I have nothing to worry about. Not like the last time I got in an accident. (That day, I'd have just been glad to be wearing underwear, regardless of fit.) (I have to say, that little incident certainly cured me of going smokeless.)

Recently, the R.C. and I were out shopping and saw a woman helping her young daughter buy a pair of white pants. Now, leaving aside my dislike of white pants in general, I have to say that, had I been the R.C. and had I been the unwilling auditor of their conversation, I think I might have spoken up.

"We will," mother said, "have to buy you some more white g-strings."

#1 - Call me hide-bound and conservative, but I don’t think a 12 year-old girl should be wearing g-strings. In my day, only a stripper or a 'ho wore a g-string.

#2 - Only a lunatic wears white underwear under white pants. If you must wear white pants, wear beige, or whatever darker color of undergarment is appropriate to your skin tone. White will show through.

The key with underwear, for those of you who never really got the hang of it, is that no one should be aware what choice you made that morning. It is enough for those around you that they accept, should they care to think about it which most of us do not, that you are wearing underwear.

We really, really, really do not wish to know what color and cut.

And, if you had any sense, you would really, really, really not wish that 40 year-old man walking down the street behind your pre-teen daughter to know. (To give the 40 year-old men of this world credit, the vast majority of them do not want to know.)