So, today's tech meeting starts with Bernie asking, "What is a network, and why do we have to have one?"

This, in a nutshell, explains why this company is so unsuccessful at selling tech products.

Then he demanded and was promised access for both him and me into our SQL server. His perception seems to be that with access, we can do whatever we need to do in the SQL database. Never mind that neither of us would recognize SQL if it came sprinkled on a salad.

He rounded off the meeting with a scheme to call a network-support company that offers, "first tech call free" and get them to come in and do the work of dismantling our network for that first, free call. Then, you see, we can move everything to a professional hosting service for free!

Umm..Bernie? A "hosting service" hosts your website. They do not replace your entire office network with secure, instantaneous access for $10/month.

What about shared printers? He decided he could send all his print jobs to me.

What about shared files? He decided we could e-mail everything. And anyhow, we have the server we won't be using when we don’t have a network any more, so can't we just back them up to it?

What about internet access? We already have that. Just, you know, don't turn it off when we take down the network.

If my brain implodes, you know whose fault it's going to be.