I have the day off. Tomorrow, too. Now I can rest up from all of that manual labor I did yesterday.

For the last 20 years, "work" for me has been about sitting in a chair. Talking on the phone, playing with a computer, that kind of thing. Not about large muscle movement. Oddly enough, I'm not sore today. I really thought I would be.

I know some folks are still at the R.C.'s office, prepping for the big festival. I suppose I could be there today, but I decided not to go in. I'm not sore, but I'm tired. Partly I'm physically tired and partly I'm tired of working with geezers who move too slowly.

This is the first time I've been offered paid work in the past three months that I've elected not to take it. I feel a touch guilty, even though another 6-7 hours at that rate of pay wouldn't have been a lot of money. I should be grabbing any money I can get, right? It's the Mature And Responsible thing to do.

I'm pretending that since I'm scheduled to work 22 hours in two days next week, I should be careful not to hurt myself this week. I don't really think I'd hurt myself if I worked today. It's just an excuse.

Don't anyone get me wrong, though, okay? I've been working 60-70 hours a month for the last couple of months and while that's not much work, it's allowing me to keep my bills paid. I am very, very grateful to the R.C.'s company for needing some help right when I needed some income. And for bringing me back in, day after day after day, finding more work for me to do. Ignore my muttering about geezers, these are a really nice bunch of people.

(Yes, my opinion of them was colored by the gift of a Starbucks card as a 'thank you' in addition to the money they paid me. I can be bought with lattes. This should surprise no one who knows me.)

So, I hear you mumbling, what about that job situation, anyhow? Well, with apologies to those of you who have already been bored with this via e-mail, here's the latest.

Last week, Alvin stopped by the office when I was working one day and I mentioned to him that I wasn't really working for Buehler any more, that I'd been laid off. He seemed surprised, which surprised me. I was sure Buehler would have mentioned it at some point in the last couple of months. (On the other hand, Alvin and Buehler had a Business Divorce and are now completely separate companies, so maybe not?)

Anyhow. I got an e-mail from Alvin earlier this week and he wants to meet for lunch next Friday to "discuss possibilities." I liked Alvin, aside from the whole blow-up with Tuffy the Tank and Coco, and I need a job, so I said okey-dokey. (I mean, no, I hadn't intended to go work for him. I never did figure out the rights and wrongs of the blow-up, but as usual I was vaguely aware that there were wheels within wheels and that in some way I didn't understand, I was a pawn in a game where I didn't know the stakes or the rules. But after three months of unemployment, I'm less choosy about these things.)

I mentioned the fact to Buehler in an e-mail earlier today and he instantly fired back that he was heading out to catch a plane to NY but that he should hear back about one of the projects he pitched in a week or so and he thinks "it's a go" which means he'll want me back soon after that.

I think he's worried about Alvin hiring me again. I know they worked out some kind of deal when I was turned into a pass-around piece, so that Alvin could have me back when he needed me, but then later they renegotiated and Alvin lost his rights to me or something. It was all a little weird to me and I avoided knowing the specifics.

I'm a little weirded out again now, to tell the truth. I like both of them and I have no intention of putting myself, or being put, into an awkward position having to choose. (Should a choice become necessary, the fact that Buehler has voluntarily continue to pay my health insurance for the last three months will be a major consideration.)

Anyhow. I could be re-employed very soon. But it's not definite yet.

That being said, the question is...should I tempt fate by going ahead and booking my hotel room and airfare for Escapade, working on the theory that I'll be getting a job soon and will be able to handle the credit card bill, not to mention be able to spare the cash I'll need for the trip?

Or should I be mature and responsible, admit that I haven't been active in fandom for years anyhow, and just cancel?

I have to decide by tomorrow. The hotel's special room rate expires next Tuesday and I already missed the 30-day advance for plane tickets. (I can still get a $322 fair to Ventura Beach, only $40 more than I paid last year, but I dunno how long it will be available.)

After this week, it's all going to be a lot more expensive.

The R.C. says, yes, it's immature and irresponsible to spend money on a vacation when I've been unemployed for three months and don't know for how much longer I'll be out of work. Her opinion matters because she's the one who'll have to cover my bills if I run out of money.

But. She also says I'm an adult and I can decide to be immature and irresponsible if I want to and that everyone in the world is swimming in credit card debt, so why should I be any different? (She might not have said that if she'd known I already have $3k+ on my credit card, but that's a different issue.)

Anyhow. I keep opening Orbitz and then closing it again. I've been trying so hard to be Mature and Responsible over the last year. I'm really doing much better at pretending to be a grown-up. This would be major backsliding.

And yet. Escapade!

What should I do? Friends I've already bothered via e-mail have advised me to do what they know I want to do, go to Escapade.

I have the feeling that real maturity is staring me in the face. The ability to tell yourself "no" when you really want to do something, that's probably Real Maturity.

Being a grown-up is overrated, don't you think?