Failing, as I did today, to discover any remnant of my work ethic, at one point I found myself poking around in the old stats program, looking to see what there was to see.

Much amusement and not a little disgust can be produced by such a search. (For example, those searching for "rps" about Adr**n P**l are welcome to go away and never come back.)

Also, by way in information, it's called mpr*g and not "pr*gn*nc* sl*sh"

S*x**l topics remain the number one category for search phrases that pull this blog. Some of these searches I didn't even understand. I've run across the concept of b*d*s*m and I've run across the game of cricket...but the words together...I just don't want to know. (Actually, the b*d*etc. thing appears in a scary number of searches.)

Apparently someone asked Jeeves for a recipe for y*g*rt. I suggest buying your own, it's only 50 cents for a fruit-flavored 8-ounce carton, after all.

I am reasonably sure I never posted instructions for building a br*ck m**lb*x...all of those stupid asterisks are just too incomprehensible, so let's just be brave and spell it out...for a brick mailbox. Sorry. Nor do I know how to fix a broken pipe, beyond the obvious. (#1 - Duct tape. If that doesn't work, #2 - Plumber.)

People search the web to find the calories in a lot of substances. Nutritional information is not just one more service provided on this site. Sorry. (Except that I will tell the person who needs to know how many calories to burn in order to lose a pound - the answer is 3,500. And the average "walk" that the average person takes to "exercise" burns about 80 calories. So put down the cinnamon role and back away from the fudge brownies. You do not "walk off" the calories from that banana cream pie in 20 minutes. You "walk off" 1-1/2 Hershey Kiss in that amount of time.)

Many individuals are also searching the web for cheats and walkthroughs to various games. I, myself, have taken advantage of online walkthroughs for many GameBoy games, and I'm delighted to be in the position of giving back just a little help.

Re: "insaniquarium cheats final boss." I don't know about the on-line version, but if you've downloaded and registered the game, the best answer I have is to remember that clicking the "menu" button will pause the game. I pause a couple of times during the final boss to rest my mouse hand and to glance over the screen to make sure I don't have a little blue alien running around, gobbling my pets without me knowing about it.

I do from time to time, write about fandom morons, but that's just from my perspective, donchaknow. No idea who if anyone would agree with me, but there are a lot of people online discussing that topic and many of us are pointing, one suspects, at each other.

I can't help but suspect that the poor soul searching for information on "head twinges" is, like myself, a bit of a hypochondriac and afraid they're developing a tumor.

You will find, on this site, no information about Keith Hamilton Cobb except for the part about me thinking he's pretty sexy.

Nor will you find links to M*ld*r and Sc*ll* Er*t*ca because I think it's icky.

Also? The things you do while reading sl*sh? I don't want to know.

If you have VPL while wearing a thong? Buy larger pants.

Some needed to know, "what to do if your office has water damage" and my suggestion would be, "take the day off."

And, finally, to the person looking for, "you can t take that away from me Tony Bennett"? I like you best.