Statistics amuse and confuse me. For instance, what do Israel, Egypt, Slovenia, Turkey, Brazil, Ireland, the Netherlands, South Africa, and, in astonishing numbers, China have in common? Multiple someones located in each place are stopping by here to visit from time to time.

I find this disconcerting, even though I realize most of these visits are probably from non-human entities. I'm a bit vague on the how and why but I understand there are robots buzzing around the internet, bumping up against sites all the time. Why do robots visit my site and how can I stop them? And how many of those hundreds of Chinese visitors are robots?

Apart from that, who are the approximately 45 live, human individuals who stop by on a daily basis?

I gave this URL to five people.

If each of them told eight other people, they have more friends than I do and I think that's just wrong.

But forget all that. Let's look at search phrases. What are people googling (Jeevesing, etc.) for that results in my site being offered to them?

It's a scary list. I mean, "cargo zippy pants" I understand, since I've blogged my zippy-leg pants more than once, but why would someone search for information on them? (For anyone interested, J.C. Penny, although it may be "Penney" and I just don't care enough to look it up. My only venture into their clothing department in the last ten years.)

It's just within the realm of possibility that I once blogged the word "crankypants" but I'd be willing to take an oath that I never typed the word "supert*ts". (I'm not inviting more hits by actually typing it, either.)

I find "class methos of vowels in java" an intriguing collection of words to search for, but I wouldn't understand it if I found it, so I won't. (But I'm not surprised that "Methos" and "class" is a popular search combination.)

On the other hand, "the chipmunk adventure credits" worries me a bit. I hope no tots searching for information on Alvin and his little friends are directed to my rants about my collection of cartoon co-workers.

If the person who was searching for, "pasta sauce sun dried tomatoes capers artichoke" would share any resulting recipes with me, I'd be very grateful.

I may and/or may not have blogged about the "bnf acronym" but for anyone still in need of information, it stands for Big Name Fan and is a source of some acrimony and even more mockery in fandom. (You're welcome.)

Some misinformed being actually searched the internet for "the birdcage slash fanfiction" and I feel compelled to point out that if you're talking about the main characters, you can't slash them because it's not slash if it's canon. If you're pairing off some other characters, I'm uninterested.) (Actually, I'm uninterested, either way.)

I am entertained to know that if you search for "dissing ppl", Google will offer you to this site. I don't diss that many people.

I'm slightly phobic, so I'd prefer that searches for "lazy dentist light-tech" did not end up at my site.

I don't know who "edith gilmore" is, but I congratulate her on her "phd". It's a shame that "ronreaco lee" was "committed" but I'm sure it's for the best. I have no ideas about the identity of "ron whites wife" and no information on "lisa rinna merge recent hairstyle". I don't think I've ever talked about "stubble-headed tough guys". I don't anticipate doing so, but it's not outside the realm of possibility. You will find no information on "revitalising vortex" but I am wondering if it's a book, movie, or physics phenomenon?

Another misguided soul is in search of "evil fraser due south slash" and they need to understand that they'll find that here when hell freezes over. (Although, now that I've said that, I can already envision a PWP kind of story where a few moments' amnesia, or a reaction to medication, makes Fraser behave in a way that he later decides he must be very, very, very sorry for. And, of course, it ends in kisses and cuddles. But my idea of "evil" probably doesn't match that of someone who'd actually bother to search for evil, so maybe I was right in the first place with the whole when hell freezes over thing.)

Multiple other searches concerning fanfic pulled this site as well, but most of them have nothing to do with anything I've actually written. People really do need to learn to use quotation marks when they Google. I mean, I've written about fanfiction. And I'm sure I've called someone a jackass, but that doesn't mean you can find "fanfiction on jackass" here. (I'm bemused by the searcher's decision that they needed to specify "in english" in their search.) Other searches included everything from vampires to Law & Order to Jeeves & Wooster, with some other things I don't care to repeat thrown in. (I must be more careful of my vocabulary when I blog. I've probably used all of those words, but when you string them together.... Well, let's just say, I was shocked.)

Two searches did make me smile. "Steve Bacic" and "Spike Xander Slash fanfiction". I'm not wild about S/X but I am, as you know, wild about S. And Bacic...he was yummy back when Andromeda was a new show with fabulous potential and not a flabby vehicle for one overrated actor's unjustifiably monumental ego.

I should just bring the SEN file with me to work, shouldn't I? I mean, as long as I'm going to sit here writing for hours anyhow.

But I didn't. Mostly because I've thrown it aside in disgust. A Kind Friend has picked up the rotting carcass and volunteered to try and figure out if there's anything salvageable in it.