Okay, so last night, the AFI (American Film Institute) treated us to another of their Top 100 lists.*

This time it was the top 100 romance movies of all time. Check CNN's website for the list.

Or, maybe it was the top 100 Romantic Scenes in movies. I'm not sure.

Generally, I foundit weird that some of the movies on their list weren't actually romances in the sense that the romance was the focal point of the movie. I mean, I stand second to no one in my enjoyment of It's A Wonderful Life but the romance, while charming, is hardly the core of this movie. So, you know, maybe it was the top 100 romantic moments or something.

I could go check, but is it really that important? Not to me.

I can't complain about their top two picks, since both Casablanca and Gone With the Wind easily hit my top-ten, all-time favorite romance movies category.

But some of their other choices give me hives.

What's Up Doc? What in god's name were they thinking? If it had to win at all, how could they rate it higher than genuine classics like Harold and Maude, or The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, or The Goodbye Girl, or Porgy and Bess? Or even their #100 choice? Their #100 choice was easily 100 times better than What's Up Doc.

Love Story is a top-ten winner I'd like to quibble about. I mean, yeah, it was big then, but does it really stand the test of time? Does the plot really offer anything new? Are the characters really so fresh and creative? Can it still be watched or is it painfully thin and shallow? Did they have to choose to show the single most-seen clip from the show, forcing my brain to continually repeat, "Love means never...." again and again for the last twelve hours? Can I sue?

These and other questions will not be answered as we continue.

The Way We Were. Ahhhh....sublime. Robert Redford was my first boyfriend, my first on-screen crush, and the man who can still make my shallow little heart go pitty-pat. A worthy top-ten entry.

An Affair To Remember. Hmmm. I know it was a blockbuster in its day but today it's so heavy-handed and full of blatant manipulation that I find it unwatchable. It certainly didn't deserve to show up on the list rated higher than, African Queen.

Rating the thin plot of Ghost (Whoopie Goldberg single-handedly saved that movie) higher than the beauty of On Golden Pond is practically criminal. I'm not one of the millions of women who go weak at the sight of Swayze although the luminescent beauty of Demi Moore stayed in my mind for a long time after I saw the movie. I want the guy who lit her to follow me around for the rest of my life, making sure I look just like Demi, okay?

On Golden Pond had its own luminescent beauty and was further characterized by performances of incredible depth and subtlety from Hepburn and Fonda. The story was original and the directing inspired.

I know...it didn't feature an oversized, phallic-shaped lump of clay, but still. I mean, it offered Jane Fonda in her most memorable on-screen moment since Barbarella. For those whose hormones incline them that way.

Perusing the list further, I see that gay and lesbian movies are overlooked, but bestiality (King Kong) seems to be acceptable. Whatever. C'mere, you big ape!i

In another, "can I sue?" moment, I see that Splendor In the Grass clocked in at 47. Beaten by such glowing examples of nuanced characterization as Beauty and the Beast (yes, the animated Disney film), Sleepless in Seattle (yes, a good movie, but not that good), Singing in the Rain (the bare minimum of "romance" immortalized by one man's passing fling with a lamppost), Pretty Woman (okay, I loved it too, but she's a whore, folks!), and Funny Girl (a classic, yes, but is the love story really the heart of the movie?).

I'm not saying those aren't great movies. I'm saying they're a far cry from being better than Splendor. In my never-humble opinion.

Sabrina (the original) only made #52? Who picked these movies?

The English Patient belonged much lower on the list. Okay, it had a great romance, but am I the only person in the world who thought that the movie would have been much improved by cutting even just thirty minutes of the endless panning over the scenery shots? By the time it ended, I was just sad that more people weren't dying. Or that there weren't, you know, dancing dinosaurs or something. Something to reward me for the numbness in my butt.

The Princess Bride was an amazing book and a highly entertaining movie, but one of the 100 greatest romances ever filmed? Even at #88, I have my doubts.

Browsing down through the rest of the list, my eyes spy Grease. You know the one. Olivia Newton-John, looking so good (and at her age!) that I want to slap her, dons tight leather pants and takes up smoking to win the man of her dreams. Yeah...that's a classic great romance alright.

Coming in dead last, we find Jerry Maguire. I'm not a big Tom Cruise fan. I went to the movie under protest and prepared to read comic books by the light of the flashlight on my keychain. I wound up watching every second of the movie. This was a charming, romantic outing that I still remember with a sort of astounded admiration.

That does it. I'm making my own list. Movies I think of as great love/romance stories will appear. These may not be movies that experts and those knowledgeable about the craft consider great. Nor, since I have no pretensions to being a member of the intelligentsia, will any silent movies be appearing. I will not be including rapturous eulogies about the make-up or costuming or the subtle irony of the lighting.

Because I love the classics, "Gone With The Wind" and "Casablanca" will be appearing. As will "African Queen."

"Adam's Rib" and "Pat and Mike" will both appear. "Woman Of the Year" will not since I never though it really pulled off its premise.

And Spencer & Tracey were an amazing combo, so I might also include one of my personal favorites, Desk Set. Computer geek humor in 1957! You gotta love it. (Yes, that's an order.)

Because I'm a sucker for some things and always have been, "The Way We Were" will be appearing. Very near the top of the list.

Movies more about obsession and less about love will not appear, so "Vertigo", although an incredible movie, will not be appearing.

Nor, much as I reverence Austen, will "Sense and Sensibility" be appearing because I have Casting Issues. Emma is an amazing talent but well-cast for that role she was not. Alan Rickman was his usual godlike self but I felt his character was wasted on the woman he loved. Somehow the book made his passion work, but the movie didn't. He was ten times more man than the on-screen version of the woman of his choice deserved.

Much Ado About Nothing will be appearing, not just because it features a scene with about twenty nekkid men bathing together (although that never hurts), but because it's my favorite of Shakespeare's romantic comedies.

I peruse the "winners" list again....

Movies that annoy me or didn't work for me will not be appearing.

Dirty Dancing left me high and dry - it's a no-show. The Bridges of Madison County was a marginally better movie than it was a book, but considering the extent to which I loathe the book, that's saying very little. Nope. The American President wasn't half as good as people seem to remember it was. No. The King and I never really did anything for me, which frees up a space for something better.

Enough of the negatives...I have to put together a top ten list of positives.

(* I should mention that some folks I know have seen and disagreed with most of my comments, as well as my opinions on such critically acclaimed movies as The English Patient so don't go thinking I'm some kind of movie-buff expert or something when I pan something you love.)