Not that the two of those have anything in common, but I'm unaware of a rule that says that you can only babble aimlessly about one topic at a time and if such a rule exists, you'd be doing me a favor by not mentioning it to me and further eroding the quality of my life, already deeply pitted with the despair of fighting the Urban Experience.

Working downtown. Huh.

I'm learning why people loathe commuting. This is my first real experience with fighting any significant traffic on the way to and from work. Going in isn't bad, but the trip home is starting to be a real problem.

It's not the traffic volume. I can deal with that. It's the Geezer Factor. The most convenient road I can take home seems to be Geezer Central at rush hour. I'm constantly stuck behind some gray-headed old git who jams their brakes desperately every time someone within a block of them signals a lane change.

I almost rear-ended one idiot tonight. Every time I tried to slow down to let him get a bit ahead of me (so I could watch what he was going to do next), he'd grind to a halt and wave some jaywalker across the road.

I'm just convinced that encouraging people to try and cross a street on foot where the traffic is habitually going 50 MPH is not doing the pedestrian a favor.

Maybe that's his plan or something, I don't know. Maybe one day, some unsuspecting pedestrian is going to step out in front of that nice old man and wind up as a road kill pancake.

I'd better find a different road.

Continuing my quest for Good Health, I'm still walking over to Starbucks every morning around 8:30 or so and carefully ordering a NON-fat Venti Latte. (Like I care about the milk, as long as shots of espresso are in there.) Still, every fatty little calorie saved is another spoonful of ice cream in the evening, right?

Anyhow, in case I haven't mentioned it yet, someone mentioned to me that the latest nutrition study has proclaimed that the new Miracle Food is milk. Apparently there are a lot of complex and wonderful things happening in that foamy white liquid and people who include a virtuous amount of milk in their diets lose more weight than the people who avoid milk as though the fat content will bring on the apocalypse or something.

Actually I think it was milk and cheeses, but I'm losing interest in the topic now.

I'm also climbing stairs. Every day I face those stairs about ten times, mumble, "think of your butt" and climb three floors before I give up and let myself take the elevator the rest of the way up.

It's my goal to be eventually walking all six flights (think of your butt!) but some kind person told me the best way is to start with a couple of floors (I chose three because I'm a chronic overachiever. No. Really. Okay, because I feel stupid climbing one floor.) and walking those for three weeks, then adding another floor and walking those for three weeks, etc. It's a good plan but I'm already picturing how stupid I'm going to feel for the three weeks that I'm climbing to the fifth floor and taking the elevator up the last floor.

Although based on the number of people I've encountered riding the elevator up or down one floor, I suspect no one but me will notice or care.

My butt had better appreciate this.

The Karpenters! I saw the Kilted Karpenters again. I never see fewer than three of them at a time. I wonder if that's because they don't like to eat lunch alone, or because they're afraid to wander around in public that way alone?

They shouldn't be afraid. They look pretty darned good, actually.

Nice butts. I mean, as much as you can tell that sort of thing when the area in question is covered with red plaid.

When I'm president, there's going to be a law banning white spandex pants. That's all I'm saying on that subject.

Cap'n Nasty? Are you listening? I checked out Fark.com. Mostly it was pretty darned funny, but I'm not sure how much reliance I can place on a "news-gathering site" that actually quotes The Onion.

Still, I'm sure to love any site that links to a news story where the description reads:

"Three men try to rob bank, get no money. Escape in stolen Corvette, car blows up."

I'm going to remember that one the next time I think I'm having a bad day. For anyone concerned, the would-be robbers weren't in the car when it exploded. And they didn't get any money from the bank because they lost their nerve before they got to the cashier's window.

Guys. Seriously. I'd be thinking career change right about now.

I'm should be worried about this one:

Killer/rapist to be thrown of cliff in a sack. Unlikely to be a repeat offender

But the description is too darned funny.

It's time for the crappy writing portion of our evening but it's late and I'm tired.

Maybe next time.