Urban Adventures!

Sadly, today I was unable to help a Spanish-speaking woman looking for Sylvia, the girl who roams around the building all day cleaning things. Thanks to a sixth-grade Spanish course, I understood her question, although I didn't remember enough vocabulary to answer in the same language.

My French courses were much more recent. I wish she'd asked in French. I could probably remember how to say, "I don't know" in French.

When last I saw her, the SSW was attempting to ask another tenant in the building, who speaks mostly Russian, where "la muchacha" could be found. I silently wished them both the best of luck as I dove into the elevator and escaped. My Russian is limited to "nyet" and "pravda", neither of which seemed appropriate to the situation.

I have a soft spot for our Russian tenants and I swear it has nothing to do with the fact that the Mr. bears an uncanny resemblance to Jim Byrnes. Nothing at all. (It is an amazing resemblance, though. Every time I see Mr. R., I do a double-take.)

Like most of the building's tenants, their sign says nothing about what business actually takes place behind the closed Russian door so all I know about them is that all of their clients (customers? consultants? co-conspirators?) that I've seen so far have also been Russian-speaking individuals.

I'm not going to swear to the Russian thing, though. I'm not an expert on languages from that part of the world. They sound Russian.

But they're very polite, and very cheerful, and they always smile and say, 'hello' when I see them.

As I passed by their office today, there was a plastic grocery bag with two boxes of what appeared to be cereal sitting on the floor, waiting for them. That's a mystery I'll probably never solve since it would be in the worst possible taste to actually ask.

Speaking as someone who has almost been run down six times in the past six weeks for committing the sin of walking in the crosswalk when the walk signal is on, I'm starting to learn the value of common courtesy.

Pursuing my goal of trying to achieve the 10,000 steps a day that "experts" say is the average number of steps taken by a healthy adult, I'm doing a lot more walking these days.

And I'm noticing that pedestrianism is dangerous. (It is too a word.)

Me, I've never been one to roll threateningly toward some hapless foot-traveler trying to cross the street when I'm driving so I don't understand what karmic weirdness means that when I set foot on a crosswalk it's a signal for every psychopath who can't bear to wait another five seconds to reach his destination to come roaring up to my corner and curse my existence as he revs his engine.

On a brighter note, I no longer have to place my order at Starbucks. When they see me walk in the door, someone starts making a Venti Nonfat Latte and the person tending the register holds their hand out for my magic coffee card. (Yes, I got one of their cards. While it's absurd to pay in advance for coffee and let them have my money for weeks before I receive value for it, I'm actually saving a substantial amount since I was previously in the habit of dropping all of my change into the tip jar every day so I figure I'm actually saving $3.05 a week. For those in doubt, yes, if I subsequently document that I've invested this money and lost it and try to claim the loss on my income tax forms, that is the kind of accounting that leads to things like the Enron debacle. Let no one say I can't be taught.)

I haven't actually decided yet what to do with my savings. Maybe I'll buy some coffee.

Other than these minor items, the Urban Experience has been sadly lacking in adventure in the past couple of weeks. I'm growing used to the sound of sirens passing the building several times a day, I'm not even trying to get blasé about the gorgeous view of the Front Range outside my window, I've been at this job for long enough that people are no longer being artificially nice to me (I kind of miss that), and I'm even starting to understand what's going on.

News….

Why didn't anyone tell me that Alfred Kinsey was a "bisexual, pornography-addicted, sado-masochistic, anti-Christian sexual revolutionary"? No one ever tells me anything.