Hmph. The Chipmunk is getting on my nerves this week. Fortunately for me, Alvin is getting as annoyed as I am over the Chipmunk's determination to keep control of the top level contacts for each of our clients. I can do the job I was hired for. If they'd just let me, I could prove it.

Darrell and The Other Brother Darrell are as boring as ever. In the four months I've spent here, I think Darrell, who is my counterpart in one of the sister companies sharing this office space, has voluntarily spoken to me three times. I'm not sure what his problem is. The Other Brother Darrell, our IT guy, speaks to me unexpectedly from time to time but rarely says anything of interest. They're so boring I don't know why I bothered to mention them.

Alvin's out right now, having lunch with The Terminator, the friend (really) who got me this job and who used to be my boss when I worked somewhere else. So, anyhow, I'm alone so I'm blogging, even though I still don't have anything to say.

I did manage to come up with a handful of boring possibilities for my "100 facts about me" list.

1. I started writing my first novel when I was nine and had twelve chapters of The Pop Bottle Mystery completed when my manuscript was lost during our move to a new house. I didn't write again for 30 years, but I don't think it was cause and effect.

2. When I was a toddler, I ate an entire bottle of orange-flavored baby aspirin and had to have my stomach pumped.

3. I have never stolen anything. Never shoplifted, never sneaked into a movie, never bought a garment, worn it, and returned it, never nicked office supplies from my job, nada.

4. People scare me. I firmly believe that hordes of strangers milling around aimlessly are just seconds from forming a mob and doing something incomprehensible and frightening. And also that they not-so-secretly all hate me. (I'm self-centered, but not in any way that would lead me to expect anyone to like me.)

5. I hate pickled beets, green peppers, and lima beans. Brussels sprouts come in a close second.

6. Weirdness weirds me out. I don't like public strangeness and I think the woman who got loudly orgasmic with joy at the Johnny Mathis concert should have been escorted out of the room.

7. I have never displayed musical, dance, or acting talent of any kind. I have never displayed any talent for anything, in fact. Not cooking, sewing, car repair, woodworking, crocheting, or swimming. Never for a moment have I displayed other than marginal ability at anything. Some days I think that's rather a thing to be amazed and amused by.

8. I spent a weekend traveling with a disco band once and nearly got myself lynched when I announced that I preferred white meat. I was sorry, of course, but in my own defense, it had never occurred to me to refer to any person of any color as "meat." I thought we were going out for chicken, okay?

9. I haven't balanced my checkbook in over twelve years and it hasn't materially damaged the quality of my life.

10. I've never wanted to be kidnapped by aliens.

That's probably about as much about me as anyone on this planet really wants to know.