I'm going to have to shave my legs, aren't I?

After no more consideration than I usually give such momentous decisions, I have taken a lover. He is sleek, compact, and powerful. He is beautiful. He is smart, but not too smart. While remaining in control of his own behavior, he is willing to allow me the privilege of directing where our relationship will go.

He respects my wishes and desires and seeks to conform to my expectations without demanding more than I am willing to give in return. He anticipates my requests and tries always to remember my preferences and predilections.

He has an aptitude for personal growth, being completely willing to let me remake him in the image that pleases me most.

He has more mental capacity than I will ever have while allowing me that comfortable conviction that I am more flexible and more understanding than he can aspire to be. I can gently nudge him in the direction I wish him to go, secure in the knowledge that while he may occasionally balk, he will in the end follow my directions.

And all without sacrificing a drop of my hard-won feminist freedom.

And, no, he doesn't actually require me to shave my legs.

Some days it doesn't seem like such a bad idea for men to be more like computers, does it?

With a Pentium 4, 2.4Gb processor, an 80Gb hard drive, a V90 modem, 512Mb ram, a 16x CD-Rom RW, a silvery-gray body and black-and-chrome accents, and a high-resolution, flat-screen monitor, "Number Five, is a little piece of perfection.

After Wednesday, when we receive our long-anticipated upgrade to broadband access, I anticipate wallowing in the nirvana of perfect internet access. What a lousy time to have a full-time job and be unable to sit at home body-surfing through the reams of streaming video programs that I've never been able to access before.

Ahem.

In other news, I had a lovely time with CP this weekend. We drank coffee, discussed politics (okay, mostly we dissed Bush, but I'm okay with that), bought books (bringing my weekend total to 13 and would anyone like a grab bag box o'previously viewed but mostly interesting books to land on their doorsteps? "Not you," to thewildmole, "Because I've finally accumulated another boxful for you and until you move and don't leave a forwarding address you're on my permanent list of donees, if that's a word which I sincerely doubt.").

After the computer, both bookstores, the department store (one sweater, two unmentionables, a new pair of gloves), the fiasco of the grocery store ($80, all snacks, no nutrients), I decided that shopping was dangerous for me this weekend and didn't make it in to replace my hair dryer. I'll have to keep using the (loud!) travel dryer until I motivate/remember to stop by Brookstone on the way home one evening and pick up a replacement.

Darrell is on my list this morning. He came in early and when I accidentally locked myself out of the office before anyone else had arrived, he sat in his office with the door shut and pretended he didn't hear me pounding on the door. Fortunately, Alvin arrived two minutes later and while I did, of course, have to put up with a certain amount of mockery, I was also allowed back into the office. I'd go rag on Darrell about it buy why break a perfect record of four months with never a voluntary word spoken between us? (He might have answered the door if he hadn't, apparently, feared that I'd say, "thank you" and force him to respond.)

Reliable sources have informed me that IDoJeannie has handed in her resignation, which might have explained her growing disinclination to work if it hadn't previously been established as her modus operandi.

Her boss, Buehler, hasn't dealt with the situation yet. I mean, in terms of advertising for or discussing a replacement, or arranging to be in the office to cover his own company's needs after she's gone. I am told that he, "doesn't know how he's going to handle the situation." What's so hard about hiring someone who can answer the phone, ship out his product, answer questions about his prices, and do light tech support for his customers?

Buehler's a nice guy (well, he's nice to me and laughs at my jokes and that's good enough for me), but he's not exactly a Type-A personality. With a little more ambition, a little more dedication to the hard work portion of building a business, his company would be easily ten times the size it is.

And, speaking of work.... If I want to pay for my share of this new WonderComputer, I'd better go do some.