Day 1 - Gee, but I wanna go home.

it's not a good start when your landing for a trip you don't want to take anyhow is delayed for half an hour so that the stupid President's stupid plane can take off. I mean, everyone knows the man does no work (he had more vacation days in the first year of his Presidency than most Presidents take in three years, including taking the entire month of August, 2001, off) but he could at least stay in Washington and pretend to be doing something, okay? Why does he have to be where I am?

As I may have mentioned before, I hate 2-star hotels. I can't remember the last time I stayed in one and this Ramada Inn is reminding me of why I stopped.

I had to move the coffee pot from the bathroom area into the sleeping area because the cover over the outlet it was plugged into in the bathroom area seemed to be falling off the wall, with the wires connected to it being the only thing holding it on.

I was grateful, to have a coffee pot, though. I'll admit that I'd have been more grateful to have had coffee and a cup as well. Fortunately I had some kind of disaster premonition and brought coffee, filters, and a cup, things I don't usually carry when I travel.

The room needs painted and repapered, badly, and while I appreciate the table to work on, I would have equally appreciated a desk chair. However, I've decided that by pulling the armchair over and perching on the arm, I can probably type for about ten minutes before I lose all feeling in my butt. Or my knees, which are crammed under the lip of the table.

The hotel dining room (I never book a hotel without room service and a restaurant) was closed this evening, for no discernable reason. Not having eaten all day, I decided to walk the block to the Holiday Inn that I was told was the only food (besides Burger King, yecch) close by.

Probably the worst meal I've ever had in my life. I had to pick between "jambalaya" and "red beans and rice", both local specialties. I've had RB&R before and loved it, so I finally settled on it but a disgusting mound of tasteless white rice surrounded by a lake of some unidentifiable brown bean sauce and a couple of slices of bland sausage is not what I've been served before when I've ordered it, okay?

Now I also remember why I order chicken 90 percent of the time when I travel.

I know, you can't expect something fabulous from a hotel restaurant, but I think one that has the nerve to charge an average $15 a plate for dinner entrees is obligated to present edible food.

It's nice to have three closets ( Three? Three! In a hotel! And one is a walk-in!), but I'd have been more impressed if there hadn’t been a total of seven hangers in the three of them. I had to hang my clothes all over the place and I'll probably forget something when I leave. Sigh.

But I spoke to the client, she was very friendly, wants me to meet her in her office at 10 tomorrow, and she seems to have had some kind of ESP moment because she said she didn't trust me to drive myself around town and she's enlisted her boyfriend to haul me from place to place for the next three days.

Isn't that sweet? I mean, I could have rented a car but I didn't because I have the world's worst sense of direction, so I was going to take cabs and just nick the company for the cost, but she was appalled at the expense (maybe it's just me, but I don't consider $20 that expensive for a cab ride) and made different arrangements.

Honestly, I'd rather have the freedom to just call a cab when I want to go somewhere, but how can you fault that kind of generosity?

She's also decided they want to take some time and show me "their" New Orleans, including some place she said we had to eat, because she's appalled that I saw nothing of the city the last time I was here.

Again, by the end of a day visiting various offices, cajoling reluctant people to at least try the equipment, and troubleshooting any IT problems with the installations, and, it seems, making nice to her boyfriend in between times, I'd rather collapse in the hotel room and fall apart for a few hours, but there's no way to refuse that kind of offer.

Sigh. Especially not after I worked so hard to make these people like my company. (Okay, I don't know if they like my company yet or not, but they apparently like me and that’s certainly a start, isn't it?)

Fine. Now my butt is numb.

Day 2 – I don't like it here.

This city smells funny. It's the swamps or bayous or whatever they call them I guess. Kind of sour.

This morning at 8:00 I discovered that that metal plate next to the outlet cover that's falling off of the wall is where the hair dryer for this room should have been. I called housekeeping and they said they'd find me a hair dryer.

This morning at 9:45 I went to the front desk to complain that said hair dryer had not appeared and they told me they'd find me one.

This afternoon at 4:30 I got back to the hotel and to my room and there's no hair dryer. I just called the front desk and they've said they'll find me one.

It might have been cheaper to take a cab today instead of using my client's boyfriend since it turns out he's charging me for the service. I don't mind it, he's not asking for that much, but I didn't understand from the client's phone call yesterday that this guy was going to want paid for picking me up, driving me to two places, and bringing me back to the hotel. Still, I keep telling myself that tomorrow and Friday the offices I'm visiting are much further away and that it will be more cost-effective in the end. He's a nice guy and all but six solid hours of "making nice" about wore me out today. Especially since he's all born-again about some 12-step drug abuse he helps administer.

Considering how long I had to wait for a cab outside the hotel this morning, it might be worth it to have a car and driver waiting on my convenience as I work these offices.

I've decided that it's not that the client likes me that much that she made this arrangement. It's because, (1) her boyfriend needed to earn some extra money; and (2) they think I'm dimwitted or something. He not only drove me to each appointment, he walked me into each office and then sat there and waited for me. In retrospect, I'm kind of insulted.

The three of us wound up having lunch in a food court in the mall that the client's office building sits next to. People are always raving about the food down here and while I know I haven't seen a decent restaurant yet, I'm...well, I'm annoyed that I've eaten six meals in this town (between the two trips I've made here in the last three weeks) and I haven't seen a decent restaurant yet.

I found a wobbly little vanity stool in the dressing area and I'm using it for a desk chair. It's about 6" too low and, as I said, wobbly, but is easier to use than the other chair since I'm not getting numb knees.

The client wanted to take me to, "the quarters" tonight, which I assume is either somewhere in the French Quarter or some other part of town, that being the local slang for it, but I begged off saying I needed to work.

I don't, but I'm tired and I can't take One. More. Minute. of being twelve-stepped today. I haven't had a decent meal since I've been here, but just for this once I'm willing to trade nutrition for peace and quiet.

Hey, hey! I called the office and now I have internet access!

Sigh. No, I don’t. I can dial in to my office e-mail, that's all.

I want to go home!

Day Three – Cold

Last night it rained, which explains why it was so muggy all day yesterday.

Today it's cold with a chilly breeze and I mean inside the hotel room. There seems to be a crack running along the underside of the windowsill and the wind is blowing in it. I'd turn on the heat but the heating unit has nothing but cold air to offer.

I went to the front desk on my way out to my first meeting this morning and stood over the woman until she found a hair dryer and called someone to take it to my room. When I got back this evening...no blasted hair dryer! So I went back to the front desk and it was sitting there, still in a box. They let me bring it upstairs, though, so I guess I won the battle.

I'm very grateful to have it. I used it a few minutes ago to thaw my feet out.

Sigh

I'm rethinking the "deal" the client offered my about having her boyfriend drive me around. Yesterday wasn't bad but cabs would have been a lot cheaper today. I don't think there's any way I can get out of it tomorrow, but I dread to think what he's going to charge me for a trip to an office 25 miles away since another thing I didn't understand is that he intends to charge by the day, extra for gas, extra for more than two stops, and extra for more miles. I get the feeling I'm being had.

I'm just cranky I guess. If I'd been scheduling this, I would have done the first four offices in one day and then I could have done the other two today and have gone home tomorrow. I'm bitter that I have to stay until Saturday morning.

Maybe I'll take another shower to warm up. (And dry my hair!)

Day Four - Get me outta here!

My head cold that was disappearing has returned with a vengeance and now I've got bronchitis, I'm spending about 20 minutes at each of these appointments which means most of my day is wasted time, I still haven't had a decent meal (I offered to buy them dinner today and we wound up at freaking Bennigan's and I'm starting to think all of this talk about the fabbo New Orleans food is a lie), I'm having to sleep with all of my clothes on because it's so cold in this room, and I hate New Orleans.

Five o'clock this morning my phone rings, scaring the life out of me. (Since I got here, I've been called and told that one aunt fell and broke a hip and that an uncle had a heart attack and emergency heart surgery.)

This time it turned out to be the client with a brilliant idea that I should address a doctors' committee meeting at 7:30 this morning to explain to them what exactly is going on with this project. I'm starting to think the guy who signed these people up for this kept it a complete secret from everyone involved.

Naturally I said yes, rolled out of bed, pulled myself together (a hair dryer! Hooray!), and staggered downstairs by 6:50 so they could pick me up and drive me.

The day went okay. Today's scheduled office visit was 25 miles away and we wound up driving over what I'm told is the world's longest stretch of bridge that goes entirely over water - 24 miles. That was pretty cool. But. An hour's drive there, ten minutes inside, and then an hour's drive back, not including the time my "driver" spent getting lost. This is not a good use of time, since this was the only office actually using the equipment.

Still, I went, I made nice, and that's my job, right?

In other news, when I paid the boyfriend for today's trip (which I declined to make a substantial sum), the client looked surprised and it was pretty clear she hadn't known he was charging me money. That makes me feel better.

This evening, I came back to the room, packed, and now I'm going to sit on the edge of the bed and stare at the clock until tomorrow morning and I can get out of here.

The client asked me when I was going to be back and I managed not to spit, "when hell freezes over", which I think was something of a triumph.