More things I'm not thinking about

I'm not thinking about why a person who has never even seen FrontPage before is sitting here trying to convert my rough-draft text for our web pages into .asp files instead of trying to convert said rough-draft text into decent prose.

Why asp? Why not html? I don't understand what I'm doing. Someone explain to me why a static web page has to be saved as an .asp?

What am I doing and why aren't you allowed to be creative with business websites? It's boring to write in such a boring style.

I created a logo yesterday. I was very proud of it until my sister told me it looked like a gun. I told her it was a hand and then she wanted to know why my company logo was going to be a hand cupping a breast.

Sigh. So, this morning I started over.

I'm neither a marketing person nor a graphic designer, okay?

As far as that goes, I'm barely able to write html code to put a link into a document, so I'm not a programmer, either. At the moment, I'm staring blindly at an open file and trying to remember how I get a picture to show up.

I may be about to panic. Fortunately, I have chocolate in my desk.

I know I had a freeware program once-upon-a-time that let you create those nifty hotspots inside of pictures so that you could have links embedded in different parts of a graphic, but I don't remember what it was called or where I found it. Nor do I think I could force FrontPage, which is currently insisting on making all of my text bold for reasons I can't identify, to accept the product of such an attempt, so I don't know why the unoccupied parts of my brain are insisting upon dwelling on the subject.

Hmph. I wonder how much it costs to hire someone who can write html code? I could pay someone on the side to do this stuff for me, then I'd look smart.

I'd be hard at work on the whole web page thing, but when I finish with it I have to write a 3-year business plan for a company that, you know, doesn't have any actual business, and there's no real rush to move on.

Remind me again why I work for these small companies?

Oh, yeah. They're the only ones willing to pay me double what I'm worth for learning to do my job on the job.

And it's the only kind of job where I can usually spend several hours a day thinking about...wait for it...Spike!

Heh. Heh.

It's not that I'm obsessed or anything, of course. It's just that he was So Pretty.

(Ladies and other people, there will be a short pause while today's featured speaker pulls herself together)

So. Spike and Angelus love Drusilla but Drusilla is too much of a psychopath to just pick one and stick with him?

Or is she just a nympho who couldn't wait for Spike to get well once Angelus showed up and was willing?

Or was it that even Angelus got tired of her weirdness after a century or so and so he bailed on her and she went walkabout and found William, aka. Spike? And then, in a move that I think is probably typical of him, Angelus decided that if someone else wanted Drusilla, then maybe he wasn't tired of her after all, so he came back and interfered until he got his soul back?

Or. Were Angelus and Drusilla still together when she vamped Spike and he was in love with her but had to wait until Angelus left until he could get his hands on her?

Or. Were Angelus and Drusilla together and Spike a third wheel until sometime after Angelus got his soul back and left, and then Drusilla picked up Spike because she had time on her hands?

Why would anyone sleep with Angelus if Spike was around?

Why do vampires have sex lives anyhow?

Do I care? Not a lot, except that the question of why on earth Spike wanted Drusilla bothers me. (Actually, I found Drusilla pretty gross on a number of levels and I can't imagine why anyone would want to sleep with her. I mean, there's Willow and even Cordelia and Buffy. Who here really thinks Drusilla looks that appetizing next to those three? Especially Willow, who is just yummy.)

(I'm just saying, okay? About five minutes of that whole Evil Ophelia thing and I'd be putting Drusilla's head in a bucket.

Yeah, I know, it's not her fault and Angelus did it to her. Someone do the woman a favor and stake her. She is way past her sell-by date.)

I seem to remember some offhand remark in an episode that indicates that vampires pretty much want what "people" want. Food, shelter, etc. Why do demons want these things? Are they somehow entrapped by the "needs" of the human bodies they misappropriate?

If demons really did show up first and then humans infested the planet later, as I remember hearing in an episode, what did the demons live on before the humans appeared? Fruits and nuts? When did animals show up?

What do demons do besides drink blood? Do they all plot to overthrow humanity or are most of them pretty content with regular meals and a dark corner to snooze in? Do you suppose that the hapless vamps enlisted by Angelus, et. al., secretly wish they could just sneak off and live a life of peace and quiet somewhere else?

What purpose do these beings serve? If all they do is eat and sleep, why do they want to take over the world? It's not like they're going to do anything with it, right? Is it just spitefulness because they're not able to go sit on a sunny, summer beach?

Are demons actually militant environmentalists, determined to wipe out the polluting scourge that's ruining the planet? Are they mad because it doesn't look like we're going to be able to save all the whales? If we switch to wind power and promise to stop digging up Alaska, will they settle down and leave us alone? Can we volunteer people we don't like as food?

I don't know why I'm nitpicking like this. Compared to the canon Chris, yes, it's the Anti-Christ, Carter gave us, this show is positively brilliant when it comes to internal consistency.

I have many thoughts, none of which are getting this stupid web page finished.

Spike=Pretty

FrontPage=Real Evil