More reasons to buy more movies on tape.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (SCI FI) - Edward James Olmos is close to signing on as Commander Adama while Mary McDonnell is on board as the president of the futuristic society in the cable channel's mini-series/backdoor pilot remake of the 1970s series.
Nah. I'm willing to wait and see what they do with the premise since I don't have fond memories of the original (too cheesy to watch) but I'm not excited.

THE BREAK (FOX) - Kris Kristofferson is set to co-star in a recurring role in the Hawaii-based pilot. The actor, who lives on Maui, will portray Izzy Patterson, father of lead character Dane (Dylan Bruno). The Izzy character is serving time in a Honolulu prison when Dane returns to Hawaii from Detroit and brings his son to meet the grandfather. Brooke Langton will co-star as Dane's sister, with whom he and his son live on Oahu's North Shore.
NOT. Grim, stupid, and boring are the words that come to mind. Exactly how do they intend to turn this premise, material for a short story at best, into a series?

CASINO EYE (NBC) - James Caan is set to star in the Peacock pilot about a surveillance expert in Sin City. Caan joins the previously cast Nikki Cox and Josh Duhamel.
NOT. I'm thinking organized surveillance of unaware people is going to be a touchy premise for a show during the era of "Patriot II." (Especially since the recent revelation that the FBI already has 80 "black helicopters" making nighttime and covert surveillance fly-overs of cities searching for terrorists and other evil-doers.)

COLD CASES (CBS) - Justin Chambers ("Hysterical Blindness") is set as the male lead Mel Winkler ("Doc Hollywood") has joined the cast of the Jerry Bruckheimer-Meredith Stiehm drama pilot, about a detective (Kathryn Morris) who works on cold cases. Winkler will play an experienced member of the homicide division.

NOT. More psychic forensics. Surely the public will have a surfeit if this one actually lives to hit the airwaves? We've got Dead Zone, Monk, and CSI. That's an abundance of good stuff. Although, if the Dead Zone guy quits in a huff over being sued, we might lose that one.

THE DA (ABC) - Bruno Campos ("Jesse") and Aunjanue Ellis ("MDs") have joined Steven Weber in the drama pilot.
Yawn. More lawyers.

FAMILY FRIENDS (WB) - Holly Robinson Peete ("For Your Love") is back at the Frog as the actress has attached herself to the comedy pilot. The project tracks a down-in-her-luck woman and her teen son (both yet to be cast), both of whom must move in with her African-American best friend's family (headed by Peete).
And what makes this funny?

THE PARTNERS (ABC) - Mary Catherine Garrison ("Moonlight Mile") will star opposite Liz Vassey in the project, which centers on a pair of mismatched female undercover cops. Rick Hoffman ("Philly") has been cast in the role of detective Terlesky in the drama pilot. Marc Buckland is directing with Nena Rodrigue, scribe Kerry Ehrin and Jim Parriott executive producing. Richard Gunn ("Dark Angel") has been added to the cast of the drama.
Oh, yeah, because that's a new premise and an idea complex enough to build an entire show around.

SCREWBALL HOMICIDE (LIFETIME) - Robert Wagner ("Hart to Hart") has signed on to the cable pilot. Wagner will play father to Julie Warner's character, a woman who still solves crimes with her ex ("Mysterious Ways'" Adrian Pasdar) despite their marriage not working out.
The last time I saw this one, it was with Ryan O'Neal and whatshername...his wife with all of the hair. It lasted about three episodes if I remember correctly. I really like Pasdar, though.

SLICE O'LIFE (ABC) - The comedian stars as a newsmagazine segment producer charged with developing light human-interest stories.
Bored now.

THE STREET LAWYER (ABC) - Hal Holbrook is on board the drama pilot based on John Grisham's novel on the same name. Holbrook will play a senior partner in the Touchstone drama's law firm.
Shrug. Love Holbrook, don't like lawyer series. Dunno if I'd try this one.

SUBURBAN SLEUTHS (LIFETIME) - Sharon Lawrence, Marsha Mason, Yvette Nipar, Marco Sanchez and Brett Cullen have joined the cast of the drama pilot. The series follows two sisters (Mason, Nipar) who solve cases with their mother (Lawrence).
Bored, bored, bored. Even the title shows a lack of creativity.

111 GRAMERCY PARK (ABC) - The roster for the modern "Gosford Park"-ish drama is slowly filling out. Joining the previously cast Frank Langella are three actresses: Brittany Daniel ("That '80s Show") and Erica Durance as nannies Brynn and Maddy respectively as well as Joanna Going ("Cupid and Cate") as a soon-to-be-divorced family member. Emmy winner Peter Strauss has joined the cast.
Hmmm...dunno. (Langella? Is he still around?)

THE BROTHERHOOD OF POLAND, N.H. (CBS) - Randy Quaid (late of "The Grubbs") has been tapped to star in David E. Kelley's latest drama. Quaid will play one of three brothers living in a small New Hampshire town. Actor-comedian Brian Haley has been cast as the third and final brother (the other two being John Carroll Lynch and Randy Quaid).
Yeah, well, that's an exciting idea, isn't it? Wake me up when it's Christmas.

THE MULLET BROS. (UPN, New!) - Move over "Joe Dirt," UPN has greenlighted a pilot for a comedy about two good ol' boys named after the redneck hairstyle. The series will rely heavily on the usual stereotypical rural traditions: beer and wrestling. The project (from Warner Bros. TV) comes from scribes Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein ("The Simpsons"), who will executive produce with Eric and Kim Tannenbaum.
Yeah, because what the world needs today is more reinforcement of stereotypes. Lacking any sense that this one is going to use the premise as an excuse to debunk and educate the way, for instance, All In the Family did, I'll pass in a big way.

ALLIGATOR POINT (NBC) - Nathan Fillion ("Firefly") has been set as the lead in the Peacock's comedy pilot from Kelsey Grammer's Grammnet Productions. The comedy has been described as "'Cheers' in a Florida oyster bar." The series, from Grammnet Prods. and scribe Robert Peacock, is set at a restaurant in the Deep South and focuses on the lives of a fisherman, his ex-wife and an eccentric cast of characters. Jaime Pressly ("Not Another Teen Movie"), Jim Rash ("The Naked Truth") and James McDaniel ("N.Y.P.D. Blue") are set to join the NBC comedy.
Okay...this one I'll try.

DICKS (WB) - Rhea Perlman ("Cheers," "Kate Brasher") has signed on to her husband Danny DeVito's drama pilot for the Frog. Perlman will play Mrs. Wabash, a teacher to four kids who go to junior college and learn how to be private investigators. DeVito and Jersey TV regulars Michael Shamberg, Stacey Sher and John Landgraf are executive producing the pilot along with Sony Pictures Television. Judy Greer ("Jawbreaker") had previously been cast as one of the four kids.
I dunno if Perlman can carry it or not. DeVito would have been good. Ummm...no.

THE LYON'S DEN (NBC) - Elizabeth Mitchell ("ER," "The Beast") is on board lead Rob Lowe's drama pilot "Lyon's Den" from Brad Grey TV and 20th Century Fox TV.

I thought he was doing a remake of 'Salem's Lot'? I guess he has time for a series, too. Still, without any idea of the premise, I'm not marking it on my calendar.

SKIN (FOX) - Ron Silver ("The West Wing") is in final negotiations to star in Jerry Bruckheimer's latest which centers on the daughter of a porn industry mogul who falls in love with the son of a district attorney, whose quest is to take the porn king down. It is not known which role Silver is up for.
Good grief.

UNTITLED FLETT-GIORDANO/RANBERG PROJECT (ABC) - Reid Scott (of last year's failed pilot "With You in Spirit") is set as the lead of producers' Anne Flett-Giordano and Chuck Ranberg's ("Encore! Encore!") comedy pilot about a man from a conservative background who is betrothed to the daughter of a gay couple. Andy Cadiff, who is already directing two other Alphabet pilots - "Platonically Incorrect" and "My Life With Men" - is on board to direct.
A one-note joke. It's practically a sequel to "Birdcage" but without the star talent.

UNTITLED RON WHITE PROJECT (FOX) - Melinda McGraw has been cast as the female lead in White's comedy project, which follows the exploits of Ron White's character and his girlfriend (McGraw), who run a pottery factory in Mexico. Brent Sexton ("A.I. Artificial Intelligence") and Yvonne Delarossa have joined the cast of the project.
What? Are we going to get ethnic jokes? Why am I not surprised this one is coming from Fox?

THE EDGE (UPN) - Nicholas Gonzalez ("Resurrection Blvd.") and Paul Wasilewski ("Wolf Lake") have nabbed lead roles the UPN project which concerns two recent FBI grads who pair up with a DEA agent to handle crimes on the Mexican border.
Why is Mexico under fire all of a sudden?

HARRY'S GIRL (CBS) - Catherine Taylor ("The Brady Bunch Movie") is board as the lead in the CBS comedy about a woman who's life is narrarated by her dog. Andy Richter is set to voice the pooch.
Stupid beyond conceivability.

KAREN SISCO (ABC) - Carla Gugino ("Spy Kids") has landed the title role in the ABC pilot, based on the character played by Jennifer Lopez in Steven Soderbergh's 1998 movie "Out of Sight."
Never heard of it and it would be hard to care less.

KID MAYOR (a.k.a. UNTITLED HAPPY MADISON PROJECT) (WB) - Newcomer Ben Feldman ("Kissing Jessica Stein") has been tapped as the central character in the Frog comedy from producer Adam Resnick. Samm Levine ("Freaks and Geeks") has also been cast. Harry Groener (also the mayor in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") has joined the cast of the comedy. Sony Pictures TV is producing the laffer, which comes from Adam Sandler, Doug Robinson, Adam Resnick and Jack Giarraputo.
Bored, bored, bored. Also sick of references to "the Frog."

THE LAW AND MR. LEE (CBS) - THE LAW & HENRY LEE (CBS) - Bill Smitrovich ("Life Goes On") is on board the Danny Glover led project from Spelling TV and Cheyenne Enterprises. The actor, who will continue his recurring role on "The Practice," plays Sgt. Bobby Pasternak, a vet homicide detective and Glover's partner. D.B. Woodside ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer") has joined the drama.
Like Glover, but nope.

THE LEGENDS OF BUTCH & SUNDANCE (NBC, New!) - Western icons Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid will reunite on the small screen for a two-hour movie/backdoor pilot for NBC. The project comes from Once Upon a Time Films and Viacom Prods. starts from the time they first met. The leads, played in the movie by Paul Newman and Robert Redford, have gone to newcomers David Rogers (Butch) and Ryan Browning (Sundance).
Heh. Maybe.

RAVENS (WB) - Moira Kelly, Craig Sheffer, Paul Johansson and Samantha Shelton have joined the cast of the WB drama. The series stars Chad Michael Murray as a young man who gets recruited to play on his small-town basketball team -- and become teammates with his estranged half-brother. James Lafferty ("Emeril") will play Nathan.
The other description of this one is...wait for it...they fall in love with the same girl. Everyone who didn't see that coming, go away.

UNTITLED RONN/SCHERICK PROJECT (ABC) - Samantha Mathis ("Broken Arrow") has been cast as the female lead the untitled comedy about a group of close male friends. The news marks a firm greenlight for the project to produce a pilot. The sitcom, which had previously been in development at NBC via Touchstone Television, has moved to the Alphabet network.
Okay, they've got a woman, now they can make a show? I guess premise is irrelevant.

VIOLENT CRIME (CBS) - Jennifer Esposito ("Spin City") and Matthew Rhys ("Columbo Likes the Nightlife") have joined the cast of the CBS drama pilot. Espositio was previous attached to the CBS comedy pilot "Harry's Girl" but bowed out of the project (Christine Taylor has since been cast). She will portray a Boston detective, who along with her female partner (as yet uncast) is at the center of the show. Samantha Corbin, Ian Sander and Kim Moses are the executive producers. Robert Pastorelli ("Murphy Brown") has joined CBS drama pilot which revolves around two female detectives in Boston.
Boredom continues.

EDDIE'S FATHER (WB) - Ken Marino ("Leap of Faith," "First Years") had landed the lead role in the WB's revival of "The Courtship of Eddie's Father," now being called simply "Eddie's Father." Marino's character is a San Francisco widower with a 9-year-old son.
A charming story whose time has passed. I don't look forward to seeing this one "updated" for the 21st century. (Although "Sleepless in Seattle" touched on the theme with grace and delicacy.)

FEARLESS (WB) - Rachael Leigh Cook is poised to make her TV series debut with "Fearless" from uber-producer Jerry Bruckheimer. Cook ("She's All That") will portray a woman born without the gene for fear who is recruited by her godfather to join the FBI specialized crime division in New York.
Okay, stupid is bad enough, but this goes over into babbling idiocy.

THE GONG SHOW (WB) - "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire's" Michael Davies (through his company Diplomatic) has come on board to produce the pilot in association with Sony Pictures Television.
Another thing the world really needs more of today. Organized meanness.

A MINUTE WITH STAN HOOPER (FOX) - Penelope Ann Miller has been tapped as the female lead opposite Norm Macdonald in the FOX comedy pilot.
Like her, but experience suggests sitcoms with long titles will fail. (I made that up because I think the title is dumb, okay?)

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (FOX) - Jason Bateman (of the upcoming "The Jake Effect") has signed on for the lead role in the FOX comedy pilot where he will play Michael, a straight-laced man who must take over his family business when his father goes to jail. Ron Howard, Brian Grazer, David Nevins and Mitch Hurwitz are the executive producers.
I trust Ron Howard, but not this far.

FUTURE TENSE (NBC) - Christopher Titus ("Titus") is set as the lead in the science fiction drama, which revolves around an elite law enforcement unit in the future.
Hmmm...maybe. I'd need more details.

HEROINE (FOX) - Shawn Reaves ("Auto Focus") has joined the cast of the drama, where he'll portray the brother of the central character (Eliza Dushku), a woman who graduates from college and discovers that she's able to save lives by changing the course of events.
That's what I love, a spanking-new premise. I'm so glad we don't already have psychic detectives and angels come to earth and people who get copies of tomorrow's newspaper to compare this disaster to.

MERGE (LIFETIME, New!) - Lifetime has tapped Lisa Rinna to host a pilot for a new reality series which aims to come to the rescue of newly married couples who are trying to decide which of their personal possessions they should trash or stash in their new household.
OH. MY. STARS. Please tell me, please, that this is actually the bottom of the barrel?

UNTITLED J.A.G. PROJECT (CBS) - Mark Harmon ("Chicago Hope," "St. Elsewhere") has nabbed the lead in CBS' untitled "J.A.G." spin-off, centering on Navy criminal investigation. An upcoming episode of the Tuesday drama will serve as the pilot for the series, similar to "C.S.I.: Miami's" backdoor pilot episode of "C.S.I." last season.

Adore Harmon, not impressed with the whole J.A.G. concept, but I'll probably give it a try if it makes it to the screen.

EXPERT WITNESS (CBS) - Matthew Modine ("What the Deaf Man Heard") and Sasha Alexander ("Presidio Med") are set and Enrico Colantoni ("Just Shoot Me") is in negotiations to play the leads in the drama, about forensic psychologists. John McNaughton has come on board to direct the pilot. Anna Deavere Smith ("The West Wing," "Presidio Med") will have a recurring role. Hart Hanson and Keith Ablov are executive producers.
Well, gosh. Forensics. That's new.

HAPPY FAMILY (NBC) - Emmy winner Christine Baranski ("Cybill") is set to star opposite John Larroquette in NBC's comedy pilot.
I don't like family comedies, but I have to admit this is impressive casting. I'll try this one.

STILL LIFE (FOX) - Morena Baccarin ("Firefly") has joined the cast of Fox's drama pilot, a family drama told from the point of view of their recently deceased 20-year-old son. She will play Maggie, the girlfriend of the dead young man and a love interest for his brother.
How macabre.

ABOUT A BOY (FOX) - Patrick Dempsey ("Once & Again") will star in FOX's adaptation of the Hugh Grant film. The project, which has a pilot presentation commitment, comes from Tribeca, Working Title and Universal Network TV. Matthew Carlson ("God, the Devil and Bob") will write and executive produce. Dempsey will play the lead character of trust fund slacker Will, who winds up befriending an unusual 12-year-old. Producers are still scouting for an actor to play the boy.

Cute movie, but only the U.K. could have made it work. In our hands, this is going to be lame.

Da Dum!

I've found it. The actual bottom-of-the-barrel show concept!

Wait for it!

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Here it is!

HOMELAND SECURITY (NBC) - Actor-model Ben Youcef has been added to the cast of NBC's two-hour pilot, about the workings of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. He will play Josef Adel, an Arab-American college student with a secret.

Kill. Me. Now.