Hee. Hee.

Except that they're nicer than I would be, this totally captures what I think about most fanfic.

"Why are the vampires lesbians?" sales agent Cal Fagan asked. "Were they lesbians before they became vampires, or did getting bitten have something to do with it? I never understood that. And is it necessary for them to seduce their victims before killing them? Why do they 'writhe sinuously' on every other page? And what did William's secret meeting with the dominatrix have to do with anything? I'm sorry, it just seemed gratuitous."

So. Totally. True.

"I think the writer wanted feedback, but was afraid to ask for it outright," Gates said. "Well, my message to him is: Don't quit your day job. Unless you've accidentally let everyone at your day job know that you get off on lesbian vampires."

Not even then.